Speak of the devil…
“What’s up, Jax?”
“Just calling to make sure you didn’t beat up two nice old people, and were now racing toward Mexico in their white Bronco with Livvie.”
“It’s a white Beemer,” I said dully. “And the thought crossed my mind.”
A bunch of clicking and shuffling sounds came over the line.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Driving to my bro’s grad party in Oak-town,” Jackson said. “I put you on speaker. So listen. Darlene’s show.”
“What about it?”
“You’re going, right?”
I glanced at the tuna casserole. “I don’t know.”
“Goddammit, Haas,” Jackson said, nearly shouting. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I blinked, shook my head at the sudden volley, then fired back. “What is wrong with me? Where should I fucking start? You think it’s easy sitting down here when she’s up there, ten steps away?”
“Then get your ass up there.”
“And do what? Sleep with her? Start a relationship with her? And what happens after the hearing next Thursday? If I lose, I’m not going to be good for anyone, Jax. It’s going to fuck me up. Hard.”
“You’re so sure you’re going to lose…?”
“I’m not super optimistic,” I said snidely. “I don’t know what else I can do.”
“You can start but not being a colossal asshole to the Abbotts. They want to like you, Sawyer, but you are making it so easy for them not to. And furthermore, they want you to like them. The delay in the test results? That was a gift. Did you even thank them for it?”
“Yes,” I spat. “I did. But what the fuck, Jackson? Should I send them a gift basket too? ‘Thanks for not ripping my daughter away from me… yet?’ Like that’s some kind of huge favor and I should be kissing their ass? If they want me to like them so fucking much, they can leave Olivia and me alone. I’d let them see her. Be a part of her life. I want that for her, but I want it on my terms.”
“You might not get that, but you could get something, but not if you throw it all away by shutting them out. Stop fucking shutting people out.”
I gaped. “Who have I been shutting out?”
“How about every single one of our friends? When was the last time you spoke to any of the guys from our old group?”
“I’ve been a little bit fucking busy taking care of Livvie and trying to get through law school,” I said through gritted teeth. “This isn’t exactly news.”
“Mmkay, how about Darlene?”
I rubbed my eyes with my free hand. “What about her?”
“You shouldn’t throw away a chance at happiness with an awesome chick because everything else is shitty. Or is it her drug history freaking you out? Because I know that’s not easy for you. I get that, but—”
“But what? Suddenly you’re an expert at this shit because you’ve had how many long-term relationships? Oh that’s right, none. Get off my back, Jackson. I don’t care about her past. I trust Darlene, and I know she deserves a lot better than me.”
“That’s a fucking cop-out. She cares about you. She might even love your dumb a
ss, and you’re just going to let her go?”
The fire in me died at his words, at the possibilities behind them.
I sank into my desk chair.