“I can’t eat this.” Leah dropped her fork down on top of her barely eaten pancakes and ran a hand through her hair. Her cheeks were streaked with tear tracks. She’d only stopped crying when we walked into the café, when she felt forced to pull herself together.
“Please try,” Radleigh said. He hadn’t eaten much himself which proved two things to me. Firstly, he was desperately worried about Leah, and secondly, the news of Will’s death hit him hard, too. Even though the two guys never liked each other much, it was an indication of how well-respected Will was that Radleigh had gotten so affected.
“I don’t want it. I’ll eat later. I feel too sick right now.”
Radleigh looked to me for support, and I shrugged. Just because I stuffed myself with food when I was upset, didn’t mean everyone was the same way. I supposed that explained why I had to work out so hard to keep my hips under control and Leah… didn’t.
“Leah, come on,” he said. “How are you gonna take care of Freya if you aren’t taking care of yourself?”
Leah reached across the table for his hand. “I know I have to eat. I just don’t think I can keep anything down yet.”
Radleigh threaded his fingers through hers. “Fine. But I’m not gonna stop nagging you.”
Leah’s phone began to ring and she untangled her fingers from Radleigh’s and rummaged in her purse for her cell. “It’s Jesse.” She glanced at Radleigh, then at me. “Do you think he knows?”
The mention of Jesse’s name sent me reeling back to the night before, which suddenly felt like years ago. I hadn’t thought about him, or anything except Freya’s devastation. I’d even blocked out my own freaky memories because I didn’t want to remember. Didn’t want to feel anymore.
A larger part of me still didn’t feel, not for myself anyway. Only for Freya, and Jude, and Leah.
“He must know,” Radleigh said. “I think Richard called everyone first thing.”
Leah shrugged and answered. “Hi, Jesse.”
I cast my eyes down to what was left of my pancakes, stabbing gently at them with my fork.
“Yeah, we’ve been at Freya’s most of this morning,” Leah said then her voice wobbled as she added, “not good. She’s quiet, and broken, and kind of lost… Not right now, but you should call her later, she’ll appreciate it. How are you doing?”
I tuned out of the one side of the conversation I could hear, until Leah spoke my name.
“Oh,” she said. “One second, she’s here.”
Leah covered her hand over the mouthpiece and tapped me on the shoulder. “Jesse says he’s been calling you.”
I hadn’t heard my phone all morning and my purse hadn’t left my side. I bent down and reached inside. Oh right. I left it on silent after I ran away from Jesse. In the rush to get to Freya I’d picked my cell up without turning the ringer back on.
Ten missed calls.
Normally, I’d have taken Leah’s phone from her and gushed an apology but I hadn’t worked up enough courage to talk to Jesse yet. If I had heard the calls I probably wouldn’t have answered.
“Bree? Do you want to speak to him now?”
I frantically shook my head, my eyes wide with panic. Leah gave me a puzzled glance then removed her hand from the mouthpiece and said, “She’s a little upset at the moment, Jesse. I’ll tell her to call you later… Sure… Okay… Bye, Jesse.”
The second Leah hung up she turned to me. “Okay, what’s going on? You and Jesse have been inseparable since his accident. Why don’t you want to talk to him?”
“It’s nothing,” I mumbled, looking away from her.
“It’s not nothing. What happened?”
“Leah, come on. You don’t want to eat and I don’t want to talk about this.”
I focused my attention on some of the latest surf dudes walking through the doors with wet hair, their boards tucked under their arms. Again, I wished I felt the way they did. Carefree and totally chilled.
“Jesse said he needs to speak to you and also that it’s not about what happened last night.”
Oh, Jesse. I appreciated him trying to put my mind at ease but mentioning that something had happened landed me right in it. Leah would never let this go now.
I turned to face her again. “I want to tell you. I’m just not sure what to say. Things haven’t been so good lately. Actually, everything’s been… crappy.”