I gasp at her words. Nothing in this world has ever stung more.
“What are you going to do about college, huh? They see their new shining star has two suspensions in the space of a few months, they’re not going to want you. Was pulling out chunks of hair worth your future?”
I hold my tongue as I glare at my mother. Doesn’t she understand what I’ve been going through?
“Answer me,” Mom demands. “Was it worth it?”
I can’t.
I run for the stairs as my emotions overtake me. Anger. Sadness. Fury. Heartache. All I know is that if I were to stay in the foyer, I would have said something to my mother that I’d regret.
“Don’t even think about leaving this house,” she hollers after me. “You’re grounded for the rest of your life.”
I slam the door on my bedroom with everything I’ve got and crash down into my bed. I bury my head into my pillow and scream until every last ounce of rage has left me, right until I’m left with nothing but devastation. Devastation over my actions, devastation over the words that shouldn’t have gotten to me, and devastation over the fact that I’ve possibly just thrown away the future Nate has been trying so hard to protect.
As I lay on my bed with tears streaming down my face, it hits me. I’m suspended. Again. Only this time, it’s a real suspension, not the bullshit in school ones, but a true suspension that I have no doubt Broken Hill University will be hearing about. I can only imagine what they’ll do when they see this is my second one for violence. What would they think of me?
Mom is right. I’m appalling.
I lay in my bed for hours. Mom doesn’t come to get me for dinner and I don’t bother searching it out. I don’t find my Kindle and I don’t flick on the TV. I just lay here, wishing things could be different. Wishing I was stronger. Better.
The house goes quiet and the light under my door eventually turns off, letting me know mom has gone to bed for the night. I roll over and find my phone. It’s after ten at night and there’s a few missed calls and texts from Brooke, but I’ll deal with that tomorrow. I’m not particularly in the mood to tell her what a disgrace I am. In fact, I’ve never been so embarrassed, yet I still want to go back and kick Ashley’s ass.
For the first time since getting home, I get up off my bed and trudge into the bathroom. I pee, throw my hair up into a bun, and splash water over my face. My eyes are puffy and my throat is sore from all the screaming and yelling. Yet all I know is that I don’t want to be alone.
I walk out into my room and through to my closet. I grab a hoodie and sweat pants before slipping on some shoes. It’s spring but there’s still a chill to the air, especially at night, and without a car, I’ll be walking.
It’s probably not the brightest idea I’ve ever had but it’s the only one I got, you know, apart from staying here.
I grab my phone off my bed and slip in into my pocket before going to the window. I slide it open and a second later, I climb out. I’ve never crawled out of my own window before. I mean, I’ve climbed out of Jesse’s a handful of times with the boys, but never alone.
I make my way to the edge and try to figure out the best place to climb down. Nate climbs up here all the time, well, he used to, and I still haven’t worked out how the hell he does it. Shit, what am I thinking? I should just go back to my bed and go to sleep like a good girl.
Fuck it. I’m already in trouble, I might as well make it count.
Or… I should go inside and walk out the front door like a normal person, but then I risk getting caught.
Damn it.
I suck it up. It’s either now or never.
I bend down until my ass is planted firmly on the roof. I roll onto my stomach and push my legs off the side. I keep going until my hands are clutching onto the gutter and the rest of my body is hanging. I have no choice but to let go. It’s only a small drop from here and I have a snowball’s chance in hell of pulling myself back up.
I let out a breath and drop.
I land on my feet with a wobble before tumbling down into the grass. That wasn’t too bad.
I get up and dust myself off. Now it’s time to walk.
It takes me nearly twenty minutes to get to their place. I somehow manage to climb the massive gate and make my way up the long driveway before walking round to Jesse’s window and looking up. My eyes continue to hurt and my body is completely taken over by shivers. My fingertips are freezing and the chill on my skin is nearly enough to drive me crazy.