He nodded. “I guess I have to. Thank you, Leah. I don’t think I deserve this much help after the way I’ve been since, well, you know.”
Will stood awkwardly, fidgeting a little on the spot.
“We don’t need to talk about that,” I told him.
“I am sorry though,” Will said. “I should have listened instead of writing you off.”
“It doesn’t matter. You’re here now. You’re supporting me now. Let’s leave the past behind us.”
Chapter 19: Do I Want A Drink?
My last four weeks at work were like hell on Earth. Once the news of my resignation spread, it was only natural that more rumours began circulating to replace the old ones. The most popular was that Radleigh had dumped me, breaking my heart and causing me to quit. I suppose that wasn't so far from the truth though. He hadn't “dumped” me but he'd made it clear that he didn't want me.
And it did break my heart.
In spite of my endless protests that I'd never fall for an arrogant sleazeball again, that Radleigh McCoy would never mean anything to me, I’d been kidding myself. Seeing him every day was torture. He wouldn't speak to me at all unless it was absolutely necessary.
The heart I always kept so well protected had been dented, then torn in half and I wasn't sure it would ever heal.
I cried a lot. Only when I was alone, of course. At work I was just as I always was. But at the end of each day I would hide myself in my room and weep, letting the stress pour out of me.
My friends, the few that I had left, helped to keep my spirits high. I wasn’t a mess when I was with them. I had a lot of organising to do before leaving for England. I’d decided that, rather than prolong my stay in America, I would leave as soon as I could so I had to pack up all of my things and have them shipped back to my parents’ house. I couldn't believe how much stuff I’d accumulated. My time with the Warriors was only a tiny proportion of the time I'd been in America, and when I'd first arrived I had practically nothing, ready to start afresh.
I could barely believe that at the age of twenty-six I was going backwards.
****
When my final weekend in America arrived, I’d reached that weird stage of numbness again. In some ways, it was welcome. It meant I didn't have to feel the pain of leaving. But it also meant that I couldn't fully appreciate the time I had left.
I was due to return to England on a Sunday morning in early July. My last working day was in Iowa, where the team had a match that weekend. I had to fly from Iowa, which was to be the destination for my leaving party, back to L.A to collect my things, then catch my flight to London. From London I had to fly to Newquay, where my parents would be waiting to collect me for the last part of my journey home, by which time it would be very late on Sunday night and I would be comatose.
But before that nightmare journey I had a few final days with my friends, and my leaving party which was to take place on Saturday night. It was really just an excuse for everyone to go out to a club and drink too much but that was fine with me.
Getting ready to go out is always both exciting and nerve-wracking. The buzz of a night out, versus the stress of making sure you look good is overwhelming. When you threw in the fact that it was my last night out with the team and that it would be the last time I'd see Radleigh, there was an added pressure I didn’t need.
The pressure was also on Will, who still hadn’t made his move on Freya in spite of having every opportunity. I was starting to think the idea of them as a couple would always be just that. An idea.
“What if nobody comes?” I asked Freya, as I walked out of the bathroom. I’d chosen to wear the blue dress I wore to Alison’s wedding. Somewhere in the depths of my brain, I thought maybe the memory of that night might trigger Radleigh to … I don’t know … say something, anything to me that was more than the occasional grunt in passing.
Freya, who was applying some lip gloss, turned to look at me. “Don't be ridiculous. It's your last night!”
“Yeah, so? Most people here still hate me.”
“No, they don't. You can count on me, Bree, Will, Jesse and Miguel as definites. Even if nobody else shows, isn't it more important that you spend the evening with the people who love you rather than a bunch of strangers?”
I nodded. “You're right. I guess I'm just nervous.”
“Nervous? Why?”
With a deep sigh I said, “After tonight, it will all be over. This whole experience will have been like a really long dream and when I wake up I'll be at home, as if I ne
ver left.”
It was just too Wizard of Oz for words.
“Oh, Leah,” she said, coming over to hug me, “It won't be that way. We won't forget you.”
“I know,” I replied. “I'm just going to miss you so much.”