I ran after Drew, through the still-swinging doors, only to crash right into the back of him. He’d stopped, his eyes fixed straight ahead.
Through a large window, doctors and nurses scurried around, checking machinery and closely observing their patient who lay flat, wires attached to his chest.
His multi-coloured hair lifeless as it splayed around him on the pillow.
Their patient. That’s all Jason was to them. Another patient, another life to save. They’d work hard to save him, but they didn’t know him. They didn’t know he was always the first to buy a round in the pub, or that he would rather bleach his own eyeballs than swallow a drink as bland as tea. They didn’t know he’d started playing guitar when he was thirteen because Drew was having drum lessons, and more than anything, he wanted to be in a band with his big brother. They didn’t know he couldn’t play for shit, but luckily, he had a great voice.
Had. Like he wasn’t alive. He didn’t look alive, all limp and unresponsive. Not our full-of-life Jason.
I wrapped my arms around Drew to steady myself, the beeps of the various contraptions ringing in my ears.
“We... we shouldn’t be in here,” I said, my vision sliding out of focus. The stench of disinfectant that always hangs in the air in hospitals filled my nostrils stronger than ever. I grabbed at Drew’s shirt, trying hard to keep my balance when I felt sure I would fall to the ground at any second.
He didn’t move. Just kept staring through the window as if he couldn’t hear me.
Couldn’t feel me.
I had to get out.
In my rush to escape, to get some air, I crashed into someone else, and then stumbled back into Drew. I couldn’t catch my breath enough to apologise.
“Can I help you?”
The person I’d bumped into was a young, blonde nurse who looked like she’d stepped off the set of Holby City.
“That’s my brother.” Drew nodded towards Jason’s room. “I... I...”
“We want to know how he’s doing.” My voice cracked as I spoke.
A glimmer of recognition flickered in the nurse’s eyes before her face fell. My sinking heart followed as she rested her hand on my arm. “I think you’ll be more comfortable in the waiting room,” she began, leading me towards the doors, but Drew stopped her.
“Not until you tell us what’s going on.”
He fixed her with his most intimidating stare, and her cheeks flushed with discomfort. “If you give me five minutes, I can-”
“You can’t keep us waiting! I want to know what’s happening in there!”
The nurse stepped back from the sheer force of his words. I couldn’t blame her for increasing her distance. Drew was scary when he fully lost his temper, but he’d barely started, and she didn’t look like someone who could handle one of his full-blown rages. I took another huge lungful of air. “Drew, cool it.”
“Ellie-”
“No! Go and sit with your dad, okay?”
He glared at me, and with a frustrated growl, barged back through the doors to the waiting room.
“I’m sorry.” I turned to the nurse. “It’s been a rough day.”
The nurse gave a weak smile. “I guess I need to get used to this kind of thing. I’m new, and I haven’t developed a thick skin yet.” She glanced over her shoulder to Jason’s room, where nurses continued to monitor him with concerned faces. “I’m also not good at not getting emotionally attached. I still get upset every time we lose someone.”
Why did she look at Jason before she said that?
Catching on to my concern, she added, “Oh God, I didn’t mean...” She ran a hand through her hair, still flustered. “This is totally unprofessional but... that’s Jason Brooks. It’s throwing me off to see a man I watched on stage a few weeks ago lying in a hospital bed, fighting for his life.”
It was a little unprofessional, but I sort of understood. I saw women like her every time I went to a gig. Women who loved the band, felt a connection to them. This girl had the added “local” bond with them. Her forehead was creased with worry for a man she only knew from the papers, and she’d just been yelled at by a member of a band she loved.
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“Natalie.”