“Please, Deke,” she begs. “It’s not like you haven’t kept secrets from me.”
“What I did was none of your business.” Simple as that.
Her watery eyes narrow on me. “You lied to me!” she screams. “You killed Kellan!”
“I have.” Then I turn and step back into her. “Want to know the truth, Becky?” I grab her blond hair and yank her head back, making her cry out. Lowering my lips to her ear, I growl, “I’m a murderer.” Her body trembles against mine, and she breathes heavily. “I’ve killed a total of five people.” Cole was the only one who physically put his hands on Jerrold when we went to his house and he drowned him in his pool that night, but we all played our parts. I take full responsibility for my actions. I wrap my free hand around her throat and give it a little squeeze. “Do you wanna be my sixth?”
She gasps.
I let go of her and take a step back. “You … What …? Why, Deke?” she rambles.
I’d never kill her. But the fact that I can scare her excites me. My dick is already hard. Now I understand how Cole got off on this shit. “It doesn’t concern you.” I turn to leave.
“Wait! Please?” she begs. “I can fix this.”
“No. You can’t.” Things have gone too far. There’s no going back now.
“Deke? Please? I can’t lose you,” she cries.
“You already have.” I reach for the door handle, but she places her hands on my back, gripping my T-shirt and causing the collar to choke me.
“I’m sorry. Is that what you want me to say?” she grinds out. “I lied. And I’ve felt terrible about it. Austin is my best friend. And I love you. You love me.”
“Not anymore.” I shake my head.
“I don’t believe you,” she argues. “There has to be something I can do. Please … tell me.” The desperation in her voice makes me smile.
I turn around and cup her tear-streaked face. She sucks in a long breath, and her body presses into mine, now interested. Funny how women turn to sex when they’re desperate for forgiveness. “Unless you plan on falling to your knees and opening that mouth of yours so I can fuck it, I have no use for you.”
EPILOGUE ONE
COLE
REMEMBER WHEN I SPOKE about those defining moments? The second one happened when I was eighteen. Standing in an abandoned cemetery in the middle of the night after I killed a man. But that wasn’t what changed me. It was the girl who found me and showed me that it was okay to be who I am. My demons have never scared her off. In fact, she challenges them. And I love the way she accepts them as her own.
Austin, Lilly, and I have been living in our house in Austin for a month now. Deke and I are about to start our first year in college. Lilly will be in first grade.
I thought over time that I would begin to forget what happened to Austin. That maybe putting distance between us and Collins would make it better.
I was wrong.
I thought over time I would begin to understand she was okay. That Kellan could no longer hurt her or take her from me.
Again, I was wrong.
Moving hasn’t helped the nightmares or the memories that flood back. I’ve learned that loving someone comes with a price. Your sanity. And if they thought I was fucked up before, now they’ll think I’ve gone mad. Now I understand what I have to lose. It happens at night when I try to sleep. I’ve never been one to get much sleep to begin with, but now it’s worse than ever. Maybe it’s because things are going so well. Our plan worked, but I feel like I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. So my worst fears come to life when I close my eyes.
He’s dead.
I continue to sit in the ditch. The lights from my wrecked car allow me to see everything clearly. I silently rock back and forth with Eli in my arms. I cling to him as tears run down my face. It’s hard to breathe, and my head pounds. My entire body hurts, but I ignore it.
“Cole?”
I look up to a familiar female voice.
“Becky?” I ask in disbelief. “What are you doing here? I told you to go …”
“I can’t just leave you here,” she cries. Her arms are crossed over her stomach to hold her bloody, ripped crop top in place. “I did this …” She swallows and looks around the street with wide eyes. “They’re all dead.”
“Fucking go!” I dismiss her.
Her eyes fall to Eli. “I don’t know what happened …” She sobs.
I close my eyes. “Just go, Becky! I’ll handle it.”
“You’ve been drinking,” she reminds me.
My jaw tightens. “Becky …”