Fuck.
Guilt chewed me up inside. He was my kid brother. My little shadow. He was lost and no one knew how to help him.
“They’re coming to the game Friday?”
“Yeah, Dad booked them into the hotel on Denton Avenue.”
“I’m sure seeing you will cheer him up.”
“Yeah.” He usually perked up whenever I went home or he visited us, but as he’d gotten older, he’d started to pull away. Although I knew it was irrational, I couldn’t deny it felt like he was punishing me.
“Can I ask you something?” Hailee sat up, and I nodded. “Do you ever regret coming to Michigan with me?”
“What? No! Hailee, that’s not—”
“I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, I’m not.” She gave me an uncertain smile. “I’m just trying to understand how I can help. It’s senior year. I don’t want you to spend our last year here together resenting me.”
“Hailee, stop.” I cupped her face, stroking her cheek. “I don’t ever want you to feel that way.”
“So, you’re happy here?”
“I...” I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lie to her, not when she’d been there every step of the way.
“I can’t help but wonder if he’d be this way if I’d have stayed.” The words were like a sheet of ice between us and I instantly regretted them.
“You never said anything.” Her voice cracked. “All this time and you never—”
“I didn’t want you to think I didn’t want to be here. I do, so much. But he’s my brother, and he isn’t getting better, he’s getting worse.”
“So, what do we do?” Her eyes filled with tears and I hated that I was the one to put them there. But this conversation was long overdue.
Over the last couple of years, Xander had become the elephant in the room. But I constantly reassured her this was what I wanted. Because it had been.
When my mom got sick, Hailee had stood by me through the hardest few weeks of my life. I wanted to come to Michigan for her, to put her first. But now I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Xander was family, my blood, and everything in me was screaming at me that he needed me... but Hailee, she was my heart, my home.
How the fuck was I supposed to choose between them?
The answer was, I couldn’t.
Cameron
“Cameron.” Xander shot at me like a bull out of a gate and I opened my arms catching him.
“Hey, Xan, it’s good to see you.” He clung to me like a spider monkey, so I slid my arms under his butt and carried him into our building.
“How’s school?”
“Ugh. Don’t ask. I hate that place.”
“No way? Don’t you have Mr. Gellar? I remember that guy, he was always a hoot.”
“Well, he’s a real asshat now.”
“Hey, watch it,” I scolded him, and he grumbled, “Sorry, Cam.”
Hailee and my parents trailed in behind us, and I lowered my brother to the floor to greet them properly.
“Son, it’s good to see you.” Dad stepped forward and pulled me into his arms. I could see the worry lines around his eyes, but they were no longer because of mom. Instead they were caused by the seven-year-old currently drilling holes into the side of my head.