“And Dad caught you?”
“No. He was too busy excusing my lack of athletic ability to his friends.”
She’d hit the ground so hard she’d thought she’d broken every bone in her body. As it turned out, she’d broken only one.
Her arm had been twisted at a funny angle, bone protruding through her skin.
Something flickered in Posy’s eyes. “You were hurt?”
“Yes, but it turned out to be a good thing. I was allowed to spend the rest of the summer in the van.” Hot and itchy from the plaster, resentful and humiliated, but safe with her books.
“You must have hated me.”
“What? No! I adored you.” The words flew from her lips before she could stop them. “Everyone adored you. You were bold and engaging and you never stopped smiling. Dad told everyone you were his favorite.”
It was a moment before Posy answered, and when she did, her voice was quiet. “That must have hurt your feelings horribly.”
“It was a long time ago.” But not so long ago she couldn’t remember the misery. “We should go and find the girls.”
“I want to talk. Why do we never talk like this?”
Because it was like having her insides scooped out with a sharp object?
“I don’t know, but I need to clean the walls before Beth and Jason come home, or I’ll never hear the last of it.” She’d already said more than she’d ever intended to. “I’m not in the mood to go ten rounds with Beth. Or you, for that matter. I know you’re stressed and busy. Tell me what needs doing for Christmas. We’ll handle it together.”
“Can you pluck a turkey?”
“No. And I know you’re winding me up. There has to be something on that list I can do.”
Posy unzipped her jacket. “The day they died—were we on our own that day?”
“The list—”
“Were you on your own?”
Hannah sighed. Her sister showed the same stubbornness she had as a child when she’d been determined to climb on top of the fridge. “We had a sitter, but when they were late arriving back, she left and told me they wouldn’t be long. She was annoyed because they hadn’t left her enough money. And they never did show up. You
were sick. You had a temperature. I didn’t know what to do. I tried calling, but they didn’t answer the phone.”
“That must have been scary.”
At the time she hadn’t been scared, or even anxious—that part had come later. At the time she’d been angry. Angry that climbing always came before family. Angry that they’d abandoned their responsibilities to go up another mountain. Angry that they couldn’t even be bothered to pick up the phone when she called. She’d even left a message saying This is about Posy, not me, in case that increased the inducement to respond.
I’m in the wrong family, she’d thought over and over again, and when she’d closed her eyes, she’d imagined herself waking up and finding herself with different parents.
And that, of course, had been exactly what had happened.
19
Beth
“You think wanting to work makes me a bad parent.” Beth slid her arm into Jason’s as they strolled to the edge of the loch. There was a short, circular walk that meandered around the edge of the water. In summer, there were nesting birds and brown trout. Now, in winter, the loch had a glassy stillness and an icy calm. Beyond them, the forest stretched like Narnia, the trees weighted by snow, merging with the snowy peaks behind.
“That’s not true. It is true that I couldn’t understand why you wanted to go back to work, but that was because I thought I knew what your day involved. I’ve discovered how wrong I was.”
“But you want another baby. And that’s not something that’s easy to compromise on.”
Jason stopped walking. His breath made clouds in the freezing air and he tugged her against him. “I’m not going to deny that I’d love another child, but it’s an emotional reaction, not a logical one. Your relationship with your sisters has its ups and downs, but I also know you love having them in your life. It’s as if the three of you are in an exclusive club.”