y heart, like it’s trying to hold onto even the mere mention of him.
I’m super fucked, and not in the way Rafe wants me to be.
I just have to figure out how long I can reasonably stay here pretending to give this a shot. Now that I’ve called Rafe out on his disinterest, he will probably grow even more distant. A few more days of distance, and he probably won’t object when I tell him I want to go home.
It’s a cowardly escape plan by normal relationship standards, but when dealing with a mob boss who has proven spiteful and territorial in the past, one has to tiptoe out of the non-relationship.
When we get back to Rafe’s house, he is the one on his phone. I don’t know who he’s texting, but the way he smiles before catching himself makes me think it’s a girl. Fuck him. Since I’m completely wasting my time in Vegas, I decide to waste it in a more fun way. I head to the library with my ultrasound DVD. Rafe has a computer set up at a desk in here and the office chair behind it is actually really comfy. Plopping down on the chair, I fire up the computer and pop in my DVD. I’ve watched it a million times already, but now I have a few minutes of new footage. I figure I’ll pick out a book to read, and when I glance up between chapters, I’ll see my wiggle worm on the screen. That’ll make me smile.
As I peruse the shelf, I wonder what Mateo’s library looks like. When Rafe showed me his, he told me his cousin has a much more impressive library in Chicago. He said he would show it to me next time we visit, but I already knew about its existence, since it was one of the selling points Mia mentioned. I grab my phone and text her, asking if she can send me a picture of it next time she’s there so I can envision my future study spot.
I’m kind of excited about it, really. If I can’t have what I want, I’ll just want something else.
My mind drifts to Sin’s house. He certainly didn’t have a library, but he did have three empty bedrooms and a room with a fireplace that was probably supposed to be a family room, but could easily be turned into a library. I don’t know why he has such a big house for just him and his three pieces of furniture. He seems like the kind of man who could live in a studio apartment and be happy. I could be too, if I lived there with him.
Ugh, stop it, Laurel. He doesn’t want you! Get your shit together.
I’ll be glad to get back to Chicago and get my head right. I’m eager to see what life after Vegas will be like for me. No more Sin, no more Rafe. I’m sure I’ll see Rafe on occasion when he comes for holidays, but that doesn’t bother me. Even though he’s probably downstairs sexting some other fucking girl right now, I know I won’t be bitter about Rafe. I don’t feel for him deeply enough for bitterness to take root. Meanwhile, if I had to endure holidays with Sin and the woman he goes on to fall in love with, it would turn me to stone. Probably another reason there’s no chance for me and Rafe. Being with Rafe would mean Sin would always be in my life, but never within my grasp. Someday someone will unlock him, and he will get married or have babies… and I want all that for him because I want him to be happy, but I don’t want to witness it, because that would make me absolutely miserable.
This is making me sad. I don’t want to think about this. Grabbing a piece of paper from a note cube on the desk, I mark my place in the book I’m reading and head downstairs to make myself some lemon tea.
Juanita is cleaning up in the kitchen. She should be starting dinner, so I don’t know why she looks like she’s finishing up for the day. Maybe it’s one of her nights off. I haven’t quite figured out her schedule. It seems to change around Rafe’s whims. If she’s not making dinner, I assume that means he isn’t staying in either. Maybe now that I’ve had the nerve to notice his dip in interest, he’s given up on me completely. Or maybe he thinks to punish me like he did by flirting in front of me by openly going out with someone else.
Joke’s on him; I don’t care anymore.
Stirring my tea, I glance up at Juanita. “Taking the night off?”
She appears startled that I’ve spoken to her. “Si, yes.”
“I speak Spanish if you prefer that. Just don’t talk too fast or I can’t keep up.”
Smiling faintly, she says, “Is okay, I speak English.”
“Do you like working for Rafe?”
Nodding her head, she says, “Yes, he is good man. Bad taste in woman, but good man.”
A little laugh of surprise shoots out of me. “Thanks, Juanita.”
“Oh, not you,” she says quickly, rushing over to pat my arm. “Lo siento. Not you.”
“She means Cassandra.”
I spin around, startled to see Rafe leaning in the doorway. “Eavesdropper,” I accuse.
“I love to eavesdrop. I do it every chance I get,” he tells me, completely unapologetic.
I turn back to my tea as he pushes off the wall and heads in my direction. “I do too, actually. Not people I know, but like, when I go out to eat by myself? Unapologetic eavesdropper. I like observing people.”
He’s closer than I expected him to get, but his arms encircle my waist. My hair is tucked up neatly into a bun leaving my neck exposed, and he takes advantage to bend his head and kiss that sensitive swatch of skin. “So do I,” he murmurs. “We should make a date of it one of these days.”
I can’t help smiling faintly. “An eavesdropping date? I wouldn’t say no to that. We should invite Carly and Vince, make it a double. He’s not much good at it, but Carly is a blast to people watch with.”
“I think I’m the second to last person Vince wants to go on a double date with,” Rafe tells me. “Also, Vince isn’t allowed to come here, and I have no desire to go to Connecticut.”
“You don’t have any coupled up friends, do you?”
“Not really. Gio, but he’s not much fun.”