He had already pushed the button, so the flash went off even though my face was buried in his shoulder and my eyes were closed, a tear on my cheek.
"Hey," he said as he wrapped his other arm around me, pulling me into an embrace. "The picture wasn't that bad," he said, trying to lighten the mood.
I ached to tell him how much I missed him, how tempted I was as he rubbed my back to comfort me to just stay there and never leave.
I began to cry, and when I got noisy about it I knew I had to go.
I started to pull back, but I only made it about halfway when I felt his arms tighten around my waist. Then I looked up at him.
Meeting his gaze was a mistake, because what I saw there was the same pain that I was feeling.
"I'm sorry, Nikki," he whispered. "I'm so sorry I did this to us."
I dashed the tears from my eyes, biting down on my bottom lip to keep it from quivering. "I should go. Alex is waiting."
"I know you hate me," he said. "I don't blame you."
Rolling my eyes as I scrubbed more tears from my cheeks, I said shakily, "I don't hate you, Derek. I love you. I'll spend the rest of my life loving you, it just won't matter."
I expected words, some sort of comeback to what I had just said. What I did not expect was to feel Derek's hand cradle the back of my head as he gently pulled me close, leaning in slowly enough that I was aware of every nerve in my body standing on end as our bodies touched, molded together as if we were one—the way it was supposed to be. I felt a few more tears gathering at the corners of my eyelids, but then Derek leaned in, lightly brushing his lips against mine in a kiss so tender and sweet that I would have remembered it forever even if it wasn't goodbye. He kissed me slowly, tasting my lips as if he understood that he would never have another chance to memorize how they felt.
When the kiss ended he allowed me to pull back, and I could feel fresh tears about to fall.
"I have to go," I said, my eyes locked on his even though I wanted to look away.
Since he had no reason to suspect I meant any further than the trailer park, he nodded and said, "I'm glad I got to see you today."
Biting my lip, I nodded. "Me too."
"I'm sure I'll see you around this summer," he said, trying to lighten the mood a little since there were still tears in my eyes.
Since I knew what he didn't, the plan backfired and I felt a deep well of sadness envelope me, making me aware of an aching emptiness inside that made me a little nervous.
"Goodbye, Derek," I whispered, not able to speak any louder when there were tears in my voice.
"Nikki, wait," he said as I made it to the doorway.
I stopped, taking a steadying breath before turning back around to face him.
He was holding out the camera. "You might want this."
Without looking at him, I reached out and took the camera from him.
It wasn't until that moment that I remembered the book. Reaching into the folds of my robe, I pulled the copy of Wuthering Heights out of my back pocket.
"I didn't know if I would see you today," I said, "but I brought this in case I did."
He stared at the book in my hand for a couple seconds before remarking, "Not a very cheerful graduation present."
Smiling slightly, I said, "I just thought I'd carry the tradition on to the next generation."
Derek took the book a bit reluctantly, then he glanced up at me, sadness reflected in those beautiful blue eyes of his.
It was the face of an angel, and it was the face I knew I would see in my memories for years to come.
I felt the burning again, so before I shed anymore tears I forced a smile and a brave face, echoing my mother’s words. "Be happy, Derek. I want you to be happy."
It must have been a strange thing to say, because he frowned at me, but without giving him a chance to even respond I turned and quickly exited the classroom, running back down the hall in the same direction that I had come from, not really even remembering why I had been going down the hall in the first place.