She couldn’t be. Even if we had never met up again after New Year’s, I would’ve always seen her as the one who got away.
The one I let leave.
I tossed back more of the whiskey and savored the fiery aftertaste as it worked its way down. Tonight, I’d been the one to walk away.
The regret inside me burned almost as much as the cheap alcohol.
“And you can’t even blame getting toasted yet.” The guy beside me set down his empty mug. He looked around as if he wanted another beer, but good luck there. “One and done situation?”
“No. I mean, we thought so, but she’s my daughter’s nanny now, and we just slept together again tonight, and Christ, I need to drink faster.” I took another few swallows and wiped the back of my hand over my chin. “What is happening to my mouth?”
“Can’t answer that, as I don’t know you from Adam.” He stuck out a hand to me. “I’m Austin Lancaster, by the way. I’m new to the area.”
“Me too. Well, kind of. I’m from Syracuse. Recent Crescent Cove transplant.” I shook his extended hand. “Nice to meet you.”
“Name?”
“Huh?” Then I laughed. It was probably good I rarely drank. Clearly, I was not a natural. “Asher Wainwright.”
Austin’s dark brows climbed toward his equally dark hair. “The newspaper Wainwright people? Fancy building with your name splashed over it?”
I considered lying, although I’d never denied my legacy to anyone. On the contrary, I’d let fighting to maintain it define me for so long that I wasn’t sure who I was outside the realm of business.
“Yes. That’s me. Well, I didn’t start the paper, but I inherited the publishing company.”
Austin whistled. “Wow. You gotta have much more top shelf stuff at home.” He nodded at the whiskey I hadn’t stopped steadily sipping.
I’d probably singe off the lining of my throat before the night was through, but the buzz in my blood was nice. Even my chaotic thoughts were settling. I hadn’t had that kind of reprieve since…
Hannah. Hannah gave me that same sort of break from the weight of my responsibilities.
Yet somehow in our escape, we’d created another one.
Together.
Not just me, not just her. It was a joint project, and I’d left her to handle her end alone.
I rubbed my fist over my suddenly aching forehead. Christ, I was a right bastard.
“You have any idea how a guy who hasn’t had sex in years impregnates someone on their first try?”
Austin coughed and wrapped both his hands around his mug. His chunky gold insignia ring caught the dim light. “I don’t know. Luck?”
I frowned. “You think it’s lucky? I already have one. And I didn’t even make that one myself.”
Austin’s mouth quirked. I couldn’t say I blamed him. I knew I sounded like some kind of crazy right now, but I couldn’t seem to shut my trap. “Depends on how you look at it, I guess.” He scratched his scruffy chin. “As to your question, if not luck, maybe you…stored up?”
It took me a moment to follow. When I got there, I started to laugh. “Probably true. My grandmother says it isn’t healthy. Jesus, my grandmother. I didn’t even think about what she’d say.” I shut my eyes and shook my head. “See what happens when she goes away? Everything goes all to hell.”
“What she would say about what? The knocking up part? From my experience with grandmas, they’re usually overjoyed at the prospect of babies.”
I opened my eyes. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”
“Am I? So, you want me to agree you getting some hookup pregnant who is the nanny to the baby you didn’t make—yet you call your daughter—is a calamity. Do I have that right?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know.”
“You don’t know if I have the facts right?”