‘I have lost Gideon.’ She sobbed into his chest. ‘I absolutely refuse to lose you, too. How could I just walk away, and go back to Chalfont and a life that is no life at all, knowing you are walking around somewhere, smiling bravely, taking other w-women to b-bed? I can’t. I can’t! And I won’t.’
‘Then your fate is sealed. For I cannot let you go, Sarah. I cannot break your heart this way.’
No. Instead, the way they would be obliged to live would grind it down, insult by insult. Until the day came when she would look at him with loathing.
He crushed her to his chest and buried his face in her sweet-smelling hair.
At least, until that day came, she would be his.
And even after that, he would always be hers.
He took her to bed. And spent the rest of the day showing her how much he loved her.
And then spent the night, while she slept, watching her. Just watching her beloved face with that sweet, contented look on it, fixing it in his mind against the day when lines of discontent would bracket her mouth and regret would stamp grooves into her forehead.
* * *
In the morning, he rose early and went along the passage to the small dressing room, where Gaston shaved him and helped him into his dress uniform.
When he went back to their room, Sa
rah was sitting up in bed, sipping some hot chocolate, her hair delightfully tousled. Her eyes roved over him appreciatively.
‘Tom Bartlett, if I wasn’t already in love with you, I declare I would fall for you on the spot. Though—’ Her face suddenly fell as comprehension dawned. ‘You wouldn’t be all dressed up like that if you weren’t going out.’
‘That’s it,’ he said, coming to the side of the bed and raising her hand to his lips to kiss it. ‘I’m going to visit your brother. Always pays to look one’s best when facing a boll— I mean, when about to get a rare trimming.’
‘Oh, Tom. Do you want me to come with you?’ She made as if to get out of bed.
‘No. By no means. I need to speak with him man to man.’ When she didn’t look at all convinced, he added, ‘Apart from anything else, I need to report for duty.’
‘You aren’t well enough. Don’t go. You don’t need to visit him today, do you?’
‘No sense in putting it off. Best to get it over with quickly. And then we can get on with living our lives, however it turns out. Besides,’ he said with a wicked grin, ‘you cannot seriously try to persuade me I’m not well enough to report for duty after the shameless use you made of me yesterday afternoon?’ He turned her hand and placed a hot kiss on the inside of her wrist. ‘And into the night?’ He trailed kisses up her arm to the crook of her elbow.
She blushed. ‘No, I suppose you are right. You certainly wore me out. I ache all over.’
He gave a quick frown. ‘Was I too demanding? I didn’t hurt you, did I? I know once or twice I was a bit...’
‘You were perfect.’ She sighed. ‘I wish it could have gone on for much longer. No wonder,’ she said with a very sultry look, ‘you have gained such a reputation. I only wish I had more stamina.’ A sudden look of insecurity flashed across her face. ‘It isn’t going to be easy for you to be satisfied by just one woman, is it?’
‘Now stop right there,’ he said sternly. ‘If you can’t trust me to be faithful, then—’
‘No! Oh, no.’ She knelt up and flung her arms round his neck. ‘It isn’t that. I just wish I was more experienced, that was all. That I knew how to please you.’
‘Couldn’t you tell how much you pleased me?’
She bit on her lower lip and nodded, though a little uncertainly.
‘And you will very soon become experienced,’ he promised her on a low growl. ‘And besides, it isn’t the same with you as it has been with any of the others. Because my emotions weren’t involved. It was just—’ he shrugged ‘—a sort of appetite that had to be met. The moment I’d finished with them, I left their beds. I have never wanted to hold a woman in my arms all night and just watch over her while she slept.’ He brushed a strand of hair from her forehead.
‘You just—’
He nodded. ‘Did the deed and left. I didn’t even want to speak to them again. But please don’t think of the others, Sarah. They were all before I met you. Just know that from now on there won’t, ever, be anyone but you.’
She subsided into the pillow, a frown pleating her brow.
‘No, there won’t. Because if I ever got so much as a whiff of you betraying me with another, I would...I would...’ She crossed her arms. ‘Well, I don’t know exactly what I’d do, but I most certainly wouldn’t turn a blind eye, the way Mama always did.’