“If you’re too busy to shop for an outfit I can send my mom’s personal shopper down. She can take your measurements and bring you back a whole store to try on. And you shouldn’t have to lay out the money for a dress for something I have to go to.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know, but I want to. I want to take care of you, Kim. And not just in bed,” he says, winking. “When can I see you?”
I breathe a sigh of relief that he asked the question that was sitting on the tip of my tongue. I don’t want to be that girlfriend, the needy one, but I’m afraid I will be if I’m not careful.
“Three more days,” I tell him. “I’ll drive over after work on Thursday.”
“I’ll be waiting, but until then, let me see you play with those rocking tits you have.”
I do, and he’s clearly enjoying it. But even as I do, I realize that the hours he keeps don’t exactly work with my schedule. He’s just getting off work when I’m going to bed, and talking to him until all hours of the night will mess me up the next day. But I think he’s worth it.
Chapter 19
Bodhi
I’m trying not to count the days since I left rehab, but each one is a reminder that I’m clean and sober, albeit tired. Each day is a struggle. The stress that I was experiencing before is back with a vengeance, I’m feeling like everything I do is wrong, and the exhaustion is beginning to set in. It’s easy to see why many people relapse so quickly.
At night, when I’m done working, I spend an hour by myself in the hot tub just thinking, asking myself if this is worth it. I want to be with Kim, but it’s been almost three weeks since I’ve seen her. She was supposed to be here last weekend, and the weekend before, but she was given a new patient and her father wouldn’t let her take the time off. The phone sex just isn’t enough.
Not that I need her only for sex. I just need her, and every time our plans get canceled, I feel like I’m teetering on the edge, wondering what happens if I step to the left or right. What awaits me? I haven’t left my parents’ house since I got out of rehab and the press is camped outside our gate, screaming my name. Reports have surfaced that I’m dead, dying, been kidnapped, and, of course, in rehab. Even though they see Rebel, Brayden, and Carson going to and from the house, the reports continue.
Thing is, I haven’t wanted to go out because I’m afraid. I had planned my first outing to be with Kim, and she’s yet to arrive, so here I sit, locked in my house by my own accord, fearful of what awaits me beyond the walls of safety.
The awards show is in two days and I don’t know if Kim is coming or not. Once rehearsal ended early today, I phoned her, but she didn’t answer. That seems to be one of our problems, communication. When I’m awake, she’s asleep. When I’m starting my day, hers is half over. Our nightly chats are often cut short because she’s yawning and her head is bobbing up and down, fighting sleep. I fear it’s only a matter of time before one of us forgets to call and we think nothing of it. That’s not the type of relationship I want to have with her.
Natalie, along with Brayden and Carson, are all sitting by the pool. Maggie is learning to swim, thanks to the instructor that my mom hired. Natalie walks up and down the pool edge, talking on the phone. Brayden is encouraging Maggie, and Carson is working on his tan while I sit here feeli
ng like a loser.
“Mr. McKnight?”
I roll my eyes, hating that I’m being referred to as that while my friends are here, but our staff is very professional when we have company. I look up at one of our housekeepers and shield my eyes from the sun.
“There’s a Kimberly Gordon at the gate, asking to speak with you.”
It takes a moment for her name to register, but once it does, I’m up out of the lounge chair like my ass is on fire.
“Let her in!”
The housekeeper scampers off while I stand on the back patio in my swim shorts staring at the door. “What the fuck?” I say, low enough for only me to hear. I search for my phone and bring it to life, seeing that I’ve missed five calls from her. “Shit,” I say, throwing it down onto the chair and taking off toward the house.
When I step into the air-conditioned house I feel chilled, but I’m too eager to see Kim to bother searching for a shirt. When I come around the corner into the foyer, the door is opening and she’s walking in. The scene is like something from a movie, with a halo of sunlight behind her and birds chirping.
In an instant she’s in my arms, and my lips are on hers as I carry her down the hall to my dad’s study. He’s out of town and my mom’s working at the studio lot, so we’ll have some privacy.
“Fuck, I’ve missed you.” The words come out between kisses. “Not to sound like a dick, but what are you doing here?”
Kim takes a half step back so she can look up at me. “I wanted to surprise you,” she says, shaking her head. “But I sorta forgot what kind of place you live in.”
“So you thought you could walk right up to the front door of Roger McKnight and Gabriela Laura’s house and ring the doorbell?”
“I don’t make a very good fan, do I?”
I shake my head and pull her back into my arms. “No, babe, you’re not a very good fan, but that’s okay, because I happen to love you.”
She steps back again and looks me in the eyes. “You love me?”