“Unless you don’t like the label. I can always call you ‘my babe’ or ‘my woman.’?”
Kim starts laughing and pushes me away. “?‘Girlfriend’ is fine. Just don’t call me ‘bae.’?”
“Oh hell no. That word will never come out of my mouth unless I’m asking for bacon and eggs.”
I pull her back toward me and wrap my arms around her, trying to memorize the way she feels before I have to leave.
“When do you think you can come up?”
“Hmm…I can take a long weekend.”
“That’s perfect,” I tell her. “I can’t wait for you to meet Brayden and Carson.”
“I’m afraid,” she says as her hands grab my forearms.
“Of what?”
“What if I don’t fit in your life? What if the cameras hate me? Not to mention the fans.”
I angle my head to the side so I can see her and kiss her lightly on the nose. “The cameras are a nuisance; you can try wearing a hat. But they’re going to love you. The fans are what they are; Rebel created them that way, and I can’t do anything about that. But if we want privacy, we’ll stay at my parents’ or we’ll rent a hotel room and stay wrapped in each other’s arms. I’m not opposed to renting out restaurants for a little privacy either. My life is better when you’re in it, and I want a chance to explore where this could go.”
Leaning in, I kiss her again, and this time I hold on a bit longer.
“Okay,” she whispers against my lips.
“Okay?”
She nods. “I want to know you and be with you, Bodhi. I haven’t felt like this in such a long time.” She kisses me passionately, helping me forget the end of her sentence. I should ask her about her past, but I don’t want to. The important things I know or will learn when we’re blissed out of our minds in L.A.
Chapter 15
Bodhi
Freedom! That’s what I feel right now. Somehow the air seems different when I’m standing on the other side of the entrance to Serenity Springs. Deep in the back of my mind I know it’s not possible for the air to be any different, but it feels like it is.
As promised, my parents are here to pick me up. The warm embrace from both of them reminds me that they’re making a change in their lives and it’s all because of me. It sucks that it took me getting addicted to coke for this change to happen, though.
After spending my last few hours with Kimberly, sitting in the woods and talking about how things are going to be when I leave, we decided we would say goodbye out there, away from prying eyes and ears, and away from anyone who could suspect something is going on between us. Neither of us wants her to lose her job over our affair, although if she did, I’d ask her to come work as my assistant. I don’t need one, at least not at the moment, but I’d have plenty for her to do. Her main responsibility would be to never leave my side. I don’t think it’s too much to ask.
Sitting inside my dad’s car with the leather seats supporting my body should be a good thing, but it’s not, and as my hand runs over the smooth seat, I can’t quite figure out why. The car door slams, shutting me in while my parents talk to Bruce. Looking out the window, I see Kim standing by the main door, watching. Does she miss me as much as I miss her already?
Dr. Rosenberg didn’t go over how we’re supposed to feel when we leave rehab, only how we cope with our triggers and the way we should try to live. Right now I feel like I’m about to crawl out of my skin, and I can’t pinpoint why. For me it could be a combination of the unknown back in Los Angeles and the fear of leaving the security of Serenity Springs.
My life is no longer under a watchful eye and I’m not sure I’m strong enough to say no to the temptations that are going to be there no matter where I look, or don’t look. It’s part of the scene in which I live, but I don’t want to give up the group out of fear that I might relapse. My palms start to sweat, and I grab the door handle, almost ready to check myself back in.
According to Dr. Rosenberg, I’m clean, not cured. She say
s addicts are never fully cured; their mind and body will always remember what the drug felt like. Surprisingly, addicts almost always remember the good part of it. Not the part where you freak out in your doctor’s office because she has a ladybug picture on the wall. I shudder at the images that replay in my mind from that day. That alone should be enough to keep me clean for the rest of my life.
My parents get in the car, happy and chatting away about something that I pay no mind to. I rest my head on the window and keep my eyes on Kimberly, who is becoming nothing more than a shadow as my dad drives away. The place that I’ve called home for a month disappears as we head down the long, winding driveway, and before I realize it, we’re back in the city, buildings and people surrounding us. There are people everywhere, rushing off to someplace. It’s too much for me to take in, so I close my eyes, put my head back, and fall asleep.
“Wake up,” my mom says as she pats me on the arm. I’m groggy, slightly disoriented, and praying that the dream I had of Kimberly and me being together isn’t just a dream but my reality. I look out the window and see my parents’ massive Beverly Hills mansion.
While I was in rehab my father took the liberty of cleaning out my apartment in Los Angeles. I don’t want to know what he found in there. I wasn’t taking care of myself that last month, and Lord knows Aspen wasn’t taking care of anything.
Aspen.
I haven’t asked my dad about her, mostly because I’m afraid of what he might say. She’s a bad habit that I have to forget, but she’s part of the industry, so I’ll likely see her. And when I do, I have to be strong and remember how I feel when I’m with Kimberly. It’s Kim who needs to be my focus.