“Hey, I have a better idea,” I blurt out, trying to hide my grin. I want her to think I’m serious with what I’m about to say.
“Oh yeah? What’s that?” Her tone is playful and gives me hope. And I need hope. Not to score with her, but to get through my days.
“You should join me in the shower.” I waggle my eyebrows at her and rub my hand over my abs, pushing up my shirt a little so she can see what’s underneath.
Kim shakes her head, but her smile tells me that she likes the idea. She covers her mouth to stifle a laugh, and I chuckle.
“Go shower and meet me in the barn. I’ll get the horses ready,” she says, waving me off. I stand there and watch as she heads up the hill toward the barn, hips swaying, and I wonder what they’d feel like under my hands. It’s just a fantasy, really. And when she turns around, I slowly pull off my shirt and show her exactly what she’s missing. With another shake of her head, she disappears from sight.
It’s funny to think she’s out of my league considering who I am, but she is. Women like her don’t have time for dumbasses like me, regardless of what our bank statements say. Besides, who the fuck hooks up with someone from rehab? Not someone like Kim. She could do so much better than someone like me.
I rush off to shower and change as quickly as I can, afraid she might change her mind if I take too long. Our showers are dormitory style, with a changing area adjacent to the shower. All our soap and shampoo is provided for us, and if you need to shave, you can request to use one of the electric razors they have on hand. Regular razors aren’t allowed because of the threat of suicide.
Once I’m showered and dressed, I find myself running back to the barn, hopeful that Kimberly is still there. When I spot her brushing one of the horses, I sigh in relief. I don’t know why I need to spend time with her, considering that every time I do I’m left with an ache in my groin, but I do. I need the torturous pain of blue balls to remind me about my fucked-up situation. If we were away from here, I’d be done chasing her. I don’t spend too much energy trying to get a chick, which is probably one of my many problems in life, but she’s different. She’s like my fucking reward for being a good boy, even when I want to be so fucking bad when I’m around her.
“Have you ridden before?” she asks as I approach her.
“I used to, when I was kid. My parents had a country house and we’d go there for holidays and vacations, but their
careers soared, the house was sold, and vacations were spent on yachts and in ritzy hotels instead.”
“Sounds like a tough life.”
“It was,” I say, sounding ungrateful. She looks at me oddly, and I shrug. “When you’re a kid, you want friends. You want to run outside, play baseball, and chase girls. I always had nannies, and the cameras followed my mother everywhere, so being dirty was never an option.”
I refuse to look at her and see the pity etched on her face. She’s far too pretty to bestow pity on someone like me. I check the saddle on the horse I’m going to ride and walk him out of the barn. Once there, I mount him as if it’s second nature. It’s been years, too many to count, since I’ve been on a horse, and I remember only a few things.
Kimberly doesn’t say anything as she mounts her horse and brings him to a halt next to me. I have a feeling that she’s looking at me, but I’m staring straight ahead. I don’t want to talk about my childhood or hear about the things I missed because my parents were too busy. I may not have grown up normal, but I did things. I’ve traveled the world. I’ve met important people who have defined our world. I’ve done things that most people only dream about. So what if I missed things?
She takes the lead and I follow. We’re going slowly, which is perfect for me. The last thing I want to do is fall off the horse. Besides, the scenery needs to be admired. Through the trees I see fields of wildflowers. On the trails there are animal tracks that Kimberly is pointing out. She tells me about the land and how her father acquired it for his dream of helping others.
“Where’s your mom?” I ask, being nosy.
“She lives in the city. They divorced a few years after Serenity Springs opened. My dad is so dedicated to his work that she felt he abandoned her, so she filed for divorce.”
“That must’ve been hard on you.”
If she’s annoyed, she doesn’t say anything. “It was, but I dealt with it. I’d spend my weekdays with her while I was in school and my weekends here. Holidays were the worst, though, but we managed. Now that I work and live here, I see her on the weekends and she occasionally comes up to see me.”
“You live here too?” I don’t know why the thought of her living here surprises me. I guess I thought she had a normal life away from all of this.
She turns and looks at me over her shoulder, showing me that she’s without a doubt the most positive person I have ever met.
“I do, along with my dad and most of the staff. We have staff housing on the other side of the ranch. My dad provides housing for those who need it. Some of the employees that you’ve met are former patients as well. I’d say about half live on the grounds, some with families as well.”
“That’s pretty nice of your father.”
“He’s doing what he thinks is best.”
We come to another clearing, this one with a pond. She dismounts and takes her horse down to the pond to drink. I do the same, petting him while he hydrates.
“Are you feeling better?” she asks.
I shrug, not sure how I feel aside from being worthless and stupid. “It’s hard to say.”
“What about the craving? Is it gone?”
I’m afraid to look at her, fearful that she won’t like my answer. Hell, I hate my answer. I can honestly say that if there was a bump sitting out in front of me, I’d take it just so I could feel that high one more time. Instead of answering, I shake my head and look down at the ground.