“Are you ready?”
I turn and offer him a smile. He doesn’t smile back, but I don’t let that ruin this moment. He places his hand on the small of my back and leads me out of his office.
“Why are there so many people now? These halls were empty when I arrived.”
“It’s game day. We have a lot of seasonal employees here, and most show up two to three hours before the gates open.”
I stop in my tracks. “Oh Ryan, I wasn’t aware. I’m sorry. I can come back.”
“Don’t be silly,” he says as he pushes us along. We take the escalator down and stop in front of the souvenir stand. “What’s your pleasure, Ms. Carter?”
“Excuse me?”
Ryan laughs. “Well, I figured since you’re here and it’s game day, we’d catch a game.”
“I’ve never been to a game.”
“I know, Hadley, and we’re about to change that.”
After I pick out a hat and a t-shirt, Ryan and I
go to dinner and by dinner I mean we walk a few feet and order hotdogs, nachos, popcorn and a giant pretzel to share. He said we’d share, but I’m a bit skeptical. With our food in our hands, he leads us to our seats. I hear the whispers as I descend the steps, but ignore them. I’m here to watch a baseball game with the man of my dreams, and if that means no autographs tonight, I’m going to do just that.
Ryan and I sit down and my hand instantly delves into the popcorn. “God this stuff is so bad for us.”
“I know, but it’s a staple. You have to get popcorn and a hotdog at a baseball game.”
I nod as I bite into mine. “This is really good.”
He laughs as he eats his. “Everything that’s bad for you is good.”
“Excuse me.” We both look up to find five or six girls standing off to the side of us. “Can we get a picture?”
I look at Ryan and don’t miss the eye roll. I clear my throat. “Not tonight. I’m sorry.” I’ve never seen faces fall so fast, but I want to be a normal person tonight with Ryan. As soon as they’re gone, he smiles. I bump his shoulder with mine, and he laughs again.
After we stand for the National Anthem, the game gets underway. Ryan is the perfect host in explaining everything to me. Deep into the eighth inning, the game is tied and we’re up to bat. I’m leaning forward with my hands clasped, praying like everyone else in the park for a hit. The batter swings and we can all hear the ball hit the bat. Heads all move in slow motion as we follow the ball as it flies out of the park. The stadium erupts in cheers as we all stand up.
“Oh my God, Ryan, did you see that?” I ask as I clutch his arm. I’m so excited I miss the chance to give him a high five. Once our hands connect, everything around us stops. Ryan leans toward me as I wet my lips. As much as I should shy away, I can’t. I love him too much to deny myself a chance.
Our lips touch, briefly, and I jump as fireworks go off behind us. He straightens, but keeps his eyes on me.
“Maybe I can see you tomorrow?”
“I’d love that,” I reply, nodding my agreement.
I look at the clock above my mantle and watch the second hand tick by. The time is moving painstakingly slow, and with each minute that passes, my anxiety increases. I was so stupid last night, kissing Hadley like that, but can’t deny that it felt amazing. I pulled away as soon as I registered what I was doing, but the damage had already been done. Jessica could’ve very well seen us from her father’s box seats, and hurting Jessica is the very last thing I want to do. However, hurting Hadley isn’t an option either.
When I left New York, I thought I left her behind. I never imagined she’d show up here, especially not a year later. The feelings I had, they’re still there and stronger than ever. The old adage, absence makes your heart grows fonder, is exact in my case. Hadley and I needed a year apart from each other to grow. The issue with that is the only way to grow is to see other people. I happened to meet an amazing woman who listened to me whine about my failed relationship. Jessica and I connected over our love of sports, particularly baseball, and our failures at high-profile relationships.
Now I’m sitting here waiting for Jessica so I can confess my sins and ask for forgiveness. We’ll break up because it’s the right thing to do. I can’t lead her and Hadley on, and if I’m having trouble fighting my feelings for Hadley – who no doubt knows what’s going to happen the next time I’m with her – I don’t want to do cheat on Jessica. It’s not fair to her, and she’s been a trooper through all of this. I owe her the respect she’s earned by being honest.
The sound of Jessica’s key sliding into the door makes my heart thrash a rapid pace. I should stand and greet her, but I feel as if I have cinderblocks holding me down. I quickly turn on the television and act as if I didn’t hear her come in. When she enters my living room, she leans up against the wall. She’s dressed to go running, which means she’s not planning on staying.
“Hey,” I say, stupidly. She smiles softly, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Come sit down.” I adjust so that I’m open to her with my leg under my other one. She sits and reaches for my hand. Our fingers intertwine, and I look for my body to respond the same way it does with Hadley. I shake my head lightly when I don’t have the desired results.
“I saw you,” she says in a hushed tone. I nod, confirming that, yes, I screwed up.
“I’m sorry, Jessica.”