I let out a deep breath and laugh. “Well, the list is long.” I slip off my shoes and bury my toes in the sand. The gritty feeling is a true statement of how my heart feels right now. You either love it or hate it, and right now I’m not sure which I prefer. “I wanted get married and travel. You wanted kids and wanted me to raise them while you toured. I didn’t have the best life growing up, but I do know I want to raise my children with my wife in a home with stability.”
She nods. “Alex and Cole have a baby,” she says softly. “A little girl.”
“So does Dylan,” I add. “I’m going to be honest with you because I feel that you deserve at least that from me. Holding Dylan’s daughter, it changed my perspective. I want a family, Hadley, but not at the expense where my children are growing up without a mother around all the time.”
“Am I too late?” she asks, her voice breaking.
I swallow hard and stare out into the wide-open space before us. “I can’t answer that right now.”
I’m back to day one and standing outside the giant stadium. I know I’m taking a risk by coming here again, but after yesterday I can’t stop thinking about what Ryan said. He poured out his heart, leaving me somewhat blindsided, but also with the hope that there might be a chance. I’m the epitome of evil though, trying to steal another woman’s man. A situation like this is what makes great songs. I’m a stupid cliché and my own worst enemy. The last thing I want is for Ryan to hate me so I’m taking the hands-off approach. If Ryan reaches out for my hand, I’m going to nicely reject him. I don’t want the paparazzi to snap an innocent picture and blast it all over Page Six with a bogus headline. That’s not fair to Ryan or his girlfriend, and out of respect for her I’m going to do my best to keep Ryan faithful.
I’m not, however, giving up. I can’t. He opened a window for me yesterday, and that tells me that he’s not in love with Jessica. When he told me that he still loved me, my heart did a little shimmy, but I’m not naïve enough to think it’s the same type of love we’ve shared or what he’s feeling now for Jessica.
I have to remind myself to say her name. To make sure she has an identity in all of this. The minute I forget I know I’ll do something stupid. It’s not just Ryan and I; there are three of us in this triangle that I’ve created. Thing is, even if I knew about Jessica I’d still be here trying my hardest to get Ryan back. He’s my soul mate, my partner. I’m not nearly the person I should be without him. Ryan Stone completes me in every way possible. I’ve known that for almost ten years now.
Walking down the corridor, this time without my heels to make my presence known, I take the same escalator as I did before. The receptionist is at her desk this time and looks up when the door opens. I give her my best Hadley Carter smile and am graciously rewarded with one in return.
“May I help you?”
“I’m here to see Ryan Stone.”
“Do you have an appointment?”
I should have a standing one, but I ruined any chance of that happening. I shake my head quickly, much to her disdain. I catch the slight eye roll she’s performing before she looks away.
“Let me see if he’s free.” She looks down at her desk briefly before turning to her computer. “Mr. Stone is on a conference call. It could be awhile.”
“I’ll wait,” I say with a sugary tone. She doesn’t like me, I can tell. For all I know she could be best friends with Jessica, who could walk in any minute and go right into his office, but I can’t. I’m the outsider, the home wrecker. I pick up a copy of Live Entertainment and blanch. Of course Ryan and I are on the cover. The headline is nothing glamorous.
Renegades General Manager, Ryan Stone, seems to be playing the ‘field’ as he’s seen with his former girlfriend, pop sensation, Hadley Carter.
I’m tempted to read the article, but know it will be nothing but this source said this and that when in fact there are no sources. Alex doesn’t know what’s going on, as I’ve dodged all her calls. Carrie would never speak to the press unless we were issuing a statement, and since I never comment on my public life, that’s never happening. That does leave Dylan. She’d yap until she’s blue in the face if it paints me in a bad light and of course, Jessica. She could be heartbroken and wallowing at home for all I know, except she’s probably not because she still has Ryan. I shuffle through the other magazines, but they’re mostly about baseball. A topic that I should know about, but don’t. Truth is, I never took an interest in Ryan’s job and for that I’m kicking myself. It’s not that I didn’t care, but I’ve never been a sports fan.
“Hadley?”
I look up to find a surprised Ryan standing in front of me. He’s in a suit and looking so sophisticated. I stand and greet him with a kiss on each cheek.
“How long have you been out here?”
I look at my watch quickly before seeking out his eyes. “About twenty minutes. It’s okay. I know you’re busy, and I’m probably interrupting your day.
He turns his head and glances at the receptionist who quickly turns her back to him. “Come in to my office.”
The child in me wants to stick my tongue out at her, but I refrain. I really don’t need that headline in tomorrow’s gossip column. I follow Ryan into his office and again marvel at the size of the windows that afford him a view of the ballpark. I’m instantly drawn to the action outside and stand there, looking out.
“Want a tour?” I feel Ryan step behind me. He’s close enough that I can smell his cologne. The scents of sandalwood and peppermint with a hint of citrus send my hormones into overdrive. If we were in another place, another time, I’d be in his arms.
“I’d like that very much,” I say, turning toward him. There are only inches between us. Our hands brush against each other, and I feel his fingers repeat the grazing motion. His eyes are focused on mine so intently. His head turns slightly and I follow.
“Ryan, I…” the voice and clearing of a throat causes him to step back. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“You didn’t, Jessica. I was just asking Hadley if she wanted a tour.”
I smile at Jessica, but turn away. I don’t want to see her staring at Ryan. I don’t want to see hurt in her eyes because of what she just witnessed. Had Ryan kissed me in that moment, I would’ve allowed it because I’m that selfish.
I can see their silhouettes reflected through the windows, and instead of watching the guys on the field I’m watching them. His hand rests on her hip and their backs are to me. The hushed tones bother me, but this is his office. I’m sure it’s business and not personal. I would hope she’s not over there planning my demise, although if I were in her shoes that’s exactly what I’d be doing.
When I see Ryan turn toward me, I avert my eyes and pretend I’m capitated by the man swinging the bat.