Ben shrugs. "I didn't want to hear that you were with someone. I liked the bubble I was in, I guess."
"Ben?"
He turns his head to look at me.
"I was at the church across from the hospital, praying. Asking whoever would listen to save my sister, to not put my mom through the same thing she went through with my father. To ask that my dad and brother be spared from losing someone they love so much. While I was there, I met the priest, and I kept going back because he gave me hope when I was so ready to give up on her. When Noah first arrived, I told him to say goodbye to Peyton because I was so sure she was going to die. Without even trying, I had already expected the worst, and I hated myself. When she woke, I needed someone to tell me that I'm not a horrible person."
"And did they?" he asks.
I shake my head. "Not until the morning after your birthday. I sat on the beach, wondering how my life became such a mess, and all I did was think about you. If it wasn't for that night, I don't know if I'd be here right now."
Ben presses his lips against mine, keeping things brief. "Well, thank you for shunning me. It's been the best birthday yet." He smiles, and while I know he's joking and trying to make light of the situation, I can't help but feel like I almost destroyed everything important to me.
30
Ben
Since Elle returned to California, I've submerged myself in my work. Not only on the joint project Talia and I are working on but also the pharmaceutical one as well, familiarizing myself with everything. After telling Elle about it, she suggested I take a step back from doing any work on it until I've accepted the job and my contract was signed. She feared Omni was taking advantage of me and wanted me to protect myself. I heeded her advice and informed Margie, who surprisingly agreed.
Now all there was left to do, was sign my contract. Each time I pulled it out to add my signature, I stopped. Working for Omni is my dream, so I don't understand why I’m hesitating to accept employment. It could have something to do with Elle, but I'm not sure what. She's already agreed to move here, and she's right, she can do her job from anywhere. In the two weeks since we've last seen each other, things have returned to normal. Well, as normal as Elle and I can be living three thousand miles apart from each other. The time difference flat out sucks. By the time she's finished any homework, I'm already in bed. When I'm up and walking to work, I text her, even though I know she's still sleeping. All I know is that in a few days, Elle and I will be together again.
When I took her to the airport, we had a proper goodbye. Something we should've had when I flew out to New York, but the both of us were battling some inner demons. Mostly, stubbornness. I should've told her when she asked about our fateful night, instead of lying to her, and she should've demanded answers from me. I suppose it was easier for us to pretend everything was okay when it wasn't. Lesson learned by both of us.
I smile at Talia as I approach my desk. Thankfully, things between us have been good, except she asks a lot of questions about 4225 West, which makes me uncomfortable. I get that she's a fan, but some things are better left unknown, like what kind of underwear Liam wears and if Harrison and Katelyn have an open relationship because they're not married. The latter question bothered me the most because they're my family. When I told Elle, she said it was common and suggested I stay away from looking at the comments people post on the band’s Instagram. Again, I took her advice and promised not to look.
"Today's the big day," she says, handing me a cup of coffee.
"Thank you," I say as I set it down on my desk, along with my bag. "Are you nervous?" Even though I have a job lined up, if I decide to take it, I'm still nervous. There's a certain amount of pride that comes with winning a competition, and honestly, I want to win. I want this for both Talia and me.
"I didn't sleep at all last night, although that could've been the flashing lights from the police cars. What was that about, do you know?"
I shake my head. "I'm afraid to find out. I didn't hear any gunshots or anything. Did you?"
"Nope, I heard nothing. Do you suppose the police will knock on our doors, asking us? It'll be like we're in the middle of one of the shows that film here."
I laugh, but she's right. Often, we'd have to reroute ourselves on our way home from work because of filming. I thought about signing up to be an extra, thinking it would've been fun, but never did. There's still time if I come back.
"If they're going to ask, they better do so quickly. What time is your flight tomorrow?"
"It's not until nine a.m. Want to grab dinner tonight? For old time's sake?"
"I'd love to, but I can't. I'm taking the eight-fifteen out of JFK to head home."
Talia masks her disappointment with a forced smile. "You probably have lots to do, right?"
I nod. "Classes start back up on Monday."
"Thankfully, I have a week off."
"Lucky. Right back to the grind. I can already feel senioritis setting in. Living close to the beach isn't going to help."
"What’s it like?" she asks. I'm on the cusp of telling her she should visit, but don't want to send the wrong message. Everyone is free to come to California. However, I don't want her to think I'm inviting her to stay with me. I know it's a hard assumption to make.
"It's amazing. It's always sunny and warm, and the sky is always blue. Granted, we do have crappy weather from time to time, but nothing like New York. We can go to the beach almost all year round. My friends and I surf a lot."
"Sounds like heaven. I've been landlocked my entire life until I came out here. Being near the water, albeit a gross infested river,
was nice. I'm going to miss it. And you," she says.