“I thought you were hot.”
“And we became friends because that’s what my mom told me to do. She said friends first, but Elle, every time we went out, I wanted to kiss you goodnight. Every vacation we went on, I told myself this would be the moment, and yet I never said or did anything.”
“Why not?” I step a bit closer and place my hands on his waist. Ben smiles and pulls me to him.
“I was afraid of ruining our relationship. At that time, I’d rather have you as my best friend than anything else.”
“What changed?”
Ben leans down and kisses the tip of my nose. I want more, but not until he answers the question about Talia. “Peyton’s accident really hit home. When I saw her in the hospital, I had this moment. I realized I didn’t want to be your best friend anymore. I wanted more. I wanted us to build a life together, start a family.”
“You wanted, but not anymore.”
“Bad choice of a word,” he says. “I still want it, but up until you accosted me on the street, I had no idea how you felt.”
I step out of his grasp and turn toward the sliding glass door. The city is still alive and bustling with activity. The last time I was here, I rarely left the hotel room or the tour bus. Most of the time when my sister and I, and sometimes Ben, would tour with the band, we were isolated, or we didn’t have time to explore. It all depended on schedules.
“Up until the night of your birthday, I hadn’t looked at you as anything more than a friend.” I stare out the window with Ben’s reflection behind me. “There was a girl, she was flirting with you, and I saw red. I thought, ‘what is she doing with my man?’ and I had no right to interfere, but I did. I was drunk and acting stupid, and yet you placated me when you should’ve told me to go home. We fought, I remember that clearly.” I turn to face him. “What I blocked out was when we started kissing and how I started taking your clothes off. You asked me if I were sure and I said I was. I wanted to be with you Ben, please never doubt that.”
“Then how do you explain the morning after?” he asks.
“Fear. Being afraid I ruined the best thing in my life.” I shrug. “My therapist says I blocked it out because I was scared that our friendship was over.”
“Therapist?”
I nod. “I’ve been going. She helped me remember that night, and once I did… God, Ben I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. You deserve so much better than me.”
Ben rushes toward me, his mouth colliding with mine. It’d be so easy to get lost in this kiss, to tangle our limbs together between the sheets and forget everything, but I can’t. I find myself pulling away again.
“Elle,” he whispers my name with so much passion, my knees buckle. What I wouldn’t give to be able to love him freely right now.
“Tell me about Talia. I know you, Ben. You must feel something for her.”
Ben takes my hand and leads me over to the sofa where we sit down together, our thighs touching. “Like I said, we work together. We live across the hall from each other because that’s where our manager put us. I guess for weeks we’ve sort of been dancing around each other. I’ve been hesitant because I’m in love with you, the quarter is almost over, and I just wasn’t sure.”
“But you like her, unless you go around kissing people for the fun of it.”
Ben smiles. “No, I do like her, but she’s not you, and honestly, that’s been my biggest battle, trying to get over you.”
“When were you under me?”
Ben laughs and shakes his head. “Seriously? You’re going to quote Ross right now?
I shrug. “We are in the city. I figured why not.”
Again, Ben starts playing with my hair. His jovial expression turns serious. “I’ve been under you, your spell, or whatever it’s called, since freshman year. And honestly, I’m glad I have, but moving forward, I’d love the chance to put you under mine, to show you what kind of man I am.”
Kiss him, you crazy fool. “And Talia?”
“I need to talk to her. I owe her at least that, plus an apology. She’s really sweet and kind, and honestly, if I weren’t in love with you, I’d pursue something with her.”
“You told me she was your girlfriend. You led me to believe you were living with her.”
Ben pulls back and sighs. “I’m not happy about lying to you, but I didn’t know any other way. I thought if I told you I had a girlfriend, you’d leave me alone. What I didn’t count on was you realizing I was gone. Stupid, on my part, but thought you wouldn’t notice, especially since I started separating myself from you.”
“Because I didn’t remember?”
He nods.