And it’s not enough.
With a groan, I roll off the bed, landing on my feet and stumbling to the bathroom to clean up the cum cooling on my chest in a sticky mess.
‘Mess’ seems to be the code word for my life lately. Goddammit.
Shedding my boots, socks and jeans, I step into the shower and turn my face into the warm water, letting it beat down on me.
Joel can’t hide how his body reacts to me. He’s not as straight as he’d like to believe. He may like chicks more than boys, but there’s a spark when his gaze moves over my body. Hell, he was the one who touched my hair and didn’t hesitate to jerk off with me when I suggested it.
He was so hot, beating his meat, standing in front of me… Taking control. The idea of him holding me in place as Candy rides me… Fucking her from behind as I fuck her from the front… And then, oh shit, my most secret of fantasies:
Joel grabbing my hips. Pushing me onto the bed. Roughly opening me up with his fingers. Ordering me to fuck Candy as he watches, as he keeps fingerfucking me, and then finally losing control, pushing into me from behind, fucking me as I fuck her.
Shit. I slam my fist against the tiled wall, blink water from my eyes, turn off the shower and grab a towel. He doesn’t know, can’t know how much I need him to grip me, overwhelm me, brand me. Ensure I belong to him. In every fucking way.
I can barely acknowledge it myself.
It doesn’t make wanting girls, wanting Candy, any less urgent. If anything, I need her more with every passing day. Her touch, her mouth, her body, her smiles. I need them both. Hard and soft, strong and warm. Filling all the holes in me, all the voids left from my past.
Making me whole.
Selfish. I’m so selfish. I rub the towel over my head and throw it to the floor in disgust. Only thinking of what I need, what I want.
But I’m fully hard now, thinking of the both of them, and I brace a hand on the sink to grip my dick, to ease some of the pressure. I’m so hard you wouldn’t think I just came like a fountain on the bed, yet here I am.
/> Though a handjob won’t be enough this time, I can feel it. The need is rising, worse than ever, consuming me. Dammit, is it wrong to want it?
With a curse, I push off the sink and stumble into my room. I throw the closet doors open and rummage inside for my box, the one I came looking for when Joel surprised me earlier.
Grabbing it, I plonk it on my bed and sink down beside it, fisting my cock and biting back a moan at the sparks running up my spine.
I lift a bottle of lube out of the box, and then a long, black object. It’s a slim, long dildo. I cast another look inside, at my small collection of toys, but this one will do for today.
Fuck, I almost had a heart attack when Joel sat on it by mistake that day. Serves me right for leaving my things lying around.
Swallowing hard, I clutch the dildo in one hand, study it like I’ve never seen it before. Like it hasn’t been inside me many times already.
I grab the bottle and spread lube on it, then lean back. My cock is rock hard, leaking on my stomach. My abs clench in anticipation. I brush the lubed head of the dildo over my balls, press behind them, and a shiver wracks me.
In my mind’s eye, Joel is kneeling between my legs, that intense look in his eyes, his hand on his hard-on, guiding it into me.
Give it to me, J. Fight me. Take me. Defeat me.
That’s what my body demands. I push the dildo into my ass, groaning, my teeth gritting at the intrusion.
Always a shock to my system. Always feels like a mistake at first, and then like the answer. The right answer. Part of it, anyway. A puzzle piece that was missing before.
My dick jerks as the dildo fills me up, and my breath catches.
Yeah, this. This is almost what I need.
Almost.
I pull the rubber cock out of me, push it back inside, and my head falls back at the sensation. Yeah, goddammit.
That’s something I discovered these past months: handjobs are okay, but my body is craving more, and if I can’t have another body giving it to me, if Joel won’t give it to me, then I have to do it myself.
Have to feel myself stretched, filled, topped. Overcome. Overpowered.