I can’t let myself feel anything for Joel. It’s too soon. Too unrealistic. Sharing one hot kiss doesn’t mean anything.
And it doesn’t change the fact I’m still lusting after them both, and they have no clue.
Only Donna keeps throwing me narrowed-eyed looks, as if demanding to know what I’m playing at.
I wish I knew.
I doubt I’ll see Joel again. I also doubt Jethro will touch me again.
Shit.
Man, this really sucks…
***
But the bookstore door chimes the next day, and Joel enters, bearing coffee and donuts.
“Candy, I’m home!” he calls out, grinning a manic grin, and I can’t help but laugh. “How’s my nerdy girl today?”
Unexpectedly a lump forms in my throat. I am so frigging happy he’s back.
Stupid, I know. I barely know him. Barely like him. But he’s been with me—in my imagination, at least—for so long, the thought of losing him so soon hurt.
“Hey.” He puts down the coffees—an extra one for Jethro today, I notice—and puts his hands on my shoulders—warm, heavy. “I’m sorry, okay? Didn’t mean to get between you two.”
I blink. “What do you mean?”
“You like Jet. So I’ll step down.” He’s looking earnestly into my eyes, and I’m sinking in blue. “Jet always tells me I’m an arrogant bastard. I want him… I need him to be happy. He deserves it. Just tell me you want him, too, and I’ll leave you in peace.”
Oh God. Oh my God. I can’t even. I can’t speak. The lump in my throat has grown so big it’s cutting off my breath. He’s sweeter than I thought. Selfless. How can I not fall for him all over again?
And what can I do now?
“Candy?” He searches my face with his eyes, then leans forward and brushes his mouth over mine. Scorching me, making me shiver from head to toe. His hands slide up my back to the back of my neck, cradling my head, crushing our mouths together. “Oh fuck,” he whispers against my mouth.
He slowly pulls away, his eyes dark like the night. His broad chest is rising and falling rapidly, and there’s a bulge at his crotch that’s very eye-catching. Prominent.
Not that I’m looking. Just saying. Besides, my glasses are fogging over. Not that I’m burning to fall into him, climb onto his lap and grind myself on his hard-on.
Maybe I should release my death-hold on his arms.
“Is that your answer?” He licks his lips, and all I can think of is kissing him again. “Your choice?”
Is it? “Jethro doesn’t want me that way,” I mutter.
His brows draw together. “He told you that?”
“No,” I admit. “He didn’t.”
The opposite, in fact. He said he wants me. That wanting me is his issue. He pulled away, because Joel wants me.
And now Joel is doing the same to spare his friend’s feelings.
Joel is watching me carefully, and before I speak again, he nods as if understanding something. “I thought so,” he says. “I won’t hurt him, Candy. I won’t.”
Then he turns around and leaves, and I sink into the armchair in a daze.
My life has suddenly turned into a soap opera. I want two guys, and I can’t be with either of them without destroying their friendship.