“Hey.” I walk a few paces away from the curb and the speeding cars. “How’s my favorite girl?”
“Riot. Where are you?”
She sounds tense and angry and scared, and it raises every hair on my body.
“Outside a creepy hotel, trying to get a cab. Listen, Pax…” I draw a deep breath. “I couldn’t go through with it. I canceled my appointment. I’ll leave the agency. I don’t fucking know what I’ll do instead, but that’s it, I’m done.” She says nothing, and I wait, breathless. “Pax? Did you hear what I said?”
“Yeah, I heard.” Her voice trembles and I don’t fucking know if it’s because she’s happy or upset.
Fuck.
“What’s wrong, then?” I ask, leaning against the façade of the hotel. Worry starts to gnaw at my insides. “What the hell happened?”
“I know.” Her breath hitches. “About the fight.”
What in the fuckity fuck? “Pax.”
“Corey saw the announcement on the website of the club. You against that guy, that Crusher.”
They put in an announcement? I thought it was a run-of-the-mill fight, one in a list of several for the day.
“Fuck.”
“I thought you said you were done with the fight club. I thought…” Another hitching sound. “That’s the guy who killed your friend. Who almost killed you. Why are you doing this?”
I push away from the wall, the cell phone case creaking in my hold. “Can I come over? I need to talk to you.”
Need to tell her the truth. It’s too late to hide it now.
“I’ll be waiting,” she says and disconnects.
***
It’s weird how a decision can not only change your life, but also your perception of yourself and the future. Until now I was trapped in a vicious circle: the debts, the expenses, the agency. I had no option. I could see none.
Funny how expecting to die tomorrow can make you wanna live. Really live. And love. And experience happiness.
Until tonight I had one faint hope for tomorrow: to survive the fight so I can go back to my life like before.
Tonight, as I ride a cab to Pax’s apartment, a different hope, a different plan is forming in my mind. A crazy one.
What if I won?
Yeah, I know that’s improbable. I couldn’t beat the guy before, why would I be able to do it now? Goals aren’t enough to slay the monsters.
But if I won, and got a good cut, I could pay part of Kyle’s debt. God, I could leave the agency, get another job even if it pays less. Lead a normal life.
Be with Pax.
Goals won’t improve my skills and strength, but hope... Hope can do fucking plenty and I have that.
I take the stairs to her apartment two at a time. By the time I reach her door, my ribs are agony, but I don’t give a shit. I ring the bell and run what I have to tell her through my mind over and over again.
Hey Pax, it’s true, I’m gonna fight Crusher but what if I win? You know, against the odds? Isn’t it gre
at?
Fuck…