I’m glad I listened to my own mind in the end and helped them be together. I’m happy for them. I wish I had something like that.
And when did I turn into such a sap, huh? Fuck.
“Joey. You there?”
“Uh huh.” I turn away from the window, pinch the bridge of my nose. “Sorry, long day.”
“What’s on your mind?” A pause. “You’ve found someone, haven’t you?”
I’d deny it, but my sis knows me too well. “Yeah, well.”
“So Ellen is finally in the rear-view mirror?”
“Yup.” I huff, run my fingers through my hair. “I know you never liked her.”
“Nothing against her,” Evie says, chuckling. “I just knew she wasn’t the one for you.”
“And who is the right one for me, huh?”
“Dunno. Only you can know that. The one that makes your heart pound, and your knees weak, that turns your brain to mush and you can’t think of anything but her. The one you worry about, you want to look good for, the one you want to kiss and have wild sex with… Are you taking notes, Joey? I’m not going to repeat myself.”
I laugh. “Gotcha, sis. And if…” I lick my lips, my mouth suddenly dry. “And if I felt that way about a guy, what would you…?” Ah fuck. “Forget it.”
“Joey.”
That one word, my name, stops me from hanging up. I force myself to stand still, keep the phone against my ear. Waiting.
“Joey, it’s okay.”
“It’s not. I’m not a faggot, and I’m not a pervert. I just… I can’t…”
“It’s really okay.”
“No, you don’t get it. I’m not saying there is a guy. Or a girl. Shit. Fuck.”
She makes an excited sound. “Don’t you dare hang up. I have things to say.”
I groan. “Fine. But Evie—”
“It’s okay to like both girls and boys.”
“It’s sick.”
“Who told you that? Our parents? Listen to me, big guy. Wanting a guy, or a girl, or both, is okay. It’s okay to like both. Have you even Googled it? Sexuality. It’s not unusual to be bisexual, Joey. There’s absolutely nothing wrong about that, no matter what we were raised to believe. You should do what makes you happy.”
I nod, although she can’t see me. I bow my head, struggling to calm down my breathing. “I don’t want a guy, though. Only a girl.”
I don’t want Jet that way. I don’t.
I can’t. Even if he tastes like sin. Caring for him as a friend is one thing. Wanting him is quite another.
“Okay.” She sounds vaguely amused and sad at the same time. “That’s for you to tell, Joey. Just remember it’s okay to follow your desires. We’re adults. We can make our own decisions, as long as they don’t hurt others.”
She’s wise for her years, my sis. I sometimes forget she’s not the little girl with pigtails I used to tease anymore. She’s wiser than me, although that’s not that hard. She’s accepted herself.
I’m still struggling to get myself accepted by others.
“You haven’t even told me the name of this girl who’s got you all twisted up,” Evie teases. I can hear the smile in her voice. “If not Ellen, then who?”