"I have these flashes, pictures, sounds, but as soon as I try to understand them, to trace them back to something, they disappear," I complained.
"What's an example? What do you see, hear?" he asked with interest.
"Water, the beach, boats, but little boats, toy boats."
"You mean like model boats?"
"Yes, yes, model boats, but it makes me shiver, even now, even in the sunlight, to think about boats," I said and lull led myself. My teeth actually chattered.
Very tentatively, inches at a time, he reached out to touch my hand.
"You are cold," he said, impressed.
I nodded and he wrapped his hand around mine.
"That feels good," I said, smiling. He smiled and held on to my hand. The longer he held on to it, the more confident he became.
"Well, what do we have going on here?" we
heard, and Lawrence let go as if my hand had shocked him.
We turned to see Megan coming toward us. She marched stiffly with her hands clenched at her sides and her arms unbending.
"Hi, Megan," I said.
"I wondered where you were when I came back. Lulu said you had asked to go outside. Isn't this cozy?" she added, looking from Lawrence to me and back to Lawrence. "You don't know each other five minutes and you rendezvous in the garden and 1 find you holding hands."
Lawrence moved away from me quickly.
"We just bumped into each other out here," I said. "I didn't know Lawrence was outside."
"Really?" she said, her eyes narrow with suspicion. "How'd he get you to let him hold your hand?"
"He didn't get me to let him, Megan. I told him I was cold and he was just trying to warm me up," I said.
"Sure. That's how it starts," she said. "I'm surprised at you, Lawrence Taylor. You haven't touched another person here since I've known you. You must be someone special," she said to me.
Lawrence's face was crimson, but his lips were white with fear. He shook his head.
"I just--"
"The male in you has woken," Megan declared like a doctor diagnosing a terminal illness. "I'll warn the girls and the female attendants and the rest of the world. Everyone should know to be on guard. Lawrence Taylor's lusts have been miraculously resurrected. His hormones are raging. Beware!"
"No . . . I--"
"Oh, stop it," she snapped and then looked around. When she turned back to us, her expression was completely different. "I have a private, secret place I'll show you later," she told me, "if you're good. However, I hope you're not like Lydia and forget everything every day. I really don't like wasting my time on people."
"I don't think that's my problem, forgetting things I learn," I said.
"You don't know what your problem is. That's your problem," she replied. "Look at him," she continued, nodding at Lawrence. "Pathetic."
I turned and saw he was trembling and that sweat had broken out on his brow.
"Lawrence," I said, reaching out to touch him.
"I'm okay. I'm okay. I think it's time to go in for dinner." He stood up. "I didn't mean anything. I just . ."
"It's all right, Lawrence. Really," I said. "Please stay with us."