"When is she coming back? Didn't she leave a letter, a note for me?"
"Oh, yes." she said, turning at the top of the stairs. "She did mention a note or something. I think she said she would leave it on your bed. I'm sorry I can't come to your performance tonight, but there's an event for the mayor of Atlanta that I just must attend. Break a leg," she added. It was the traditional good wish for a performer, but in her case. I thought she meant it literally.
She started down the stairway, and I rushed into my room. There was a small envelope on my pillow. I seized it and ripped the envelope impatiently,
Dear Rose,
Please forgive me for not attending your dance recital tonight, but a -wonderful thing has happened. Grover has asked me to be with him, to be his special
lady. We're off to vacation in Hilton Head, South Carolina. It sort of a test to see how we'll do around each other night and day. I know well do well. I know this seems impulsive, but I remember how your father enjoyed being impulsive. There's something to be said for it. I feel like a young girl again. I feel the sun will shine forever on my face.
Charlotte has promised to look after you and any of your needs. She's really been a great friend to one and she will be to you, I'm sure. She's happy about what you've done for Evan and so am I.
I'll call you as soon as I stop to take a breath. Be happy: for me.
Love,
Monica
My fingers weakened and the letter floated out of my hand to the floor. I felt so hollow inside. My muscular new legs lost all their strength and I sank as well. Lying there. I sobbed and sobbed until it hurt.
Because I took so long to meet Barry and Evan. Barry came up to see what was wrong and found me lying on the floor, my eyes closed, my hand now clutching Mommy's note.
"Rose!" he cried, rushing to my side. "What's wrong?"
I sat up slowly and wiped my cheeks. Then I just handed him the note. He read it quickly and looked at me.
"You had no idea this was going to happen today?"
"No," I said. "I always had an aching fear. but I didn't think it was going to happen this fast. And today of all days!"
"I'm sorry." he said, looking at the note. "I know it's hard for you," he added. "but you can't let this spoil your performance. Rose. You've worked too hard."
"How could she do this?"
"I'll be there for you and so will Evan, and we'll clap enough for four people," he promised, to bring a smile back to my dreary face.
I didn't smile but I rose and we went down to have something to eat. Evan took one look at me and knew immediately something very serious had happened. I told him and he, too, told me how sorry he was but how important it was for me not to get myself so depressed that I would ruin my
performance.
"The show must go on!" he cried. He and Barry did their best to cheer me up. They clowned around and made jokes. Barry imitating me warming up and Evan pretending he was a stern dance instructor shouting orders.
As the clock ticked closer to the hour at which I would have to prepare myself. I began to understand the concept of stage fright. I wasn't sure I would actually be able to get up and go, much less dance in front of hundreds of people.
"I'm going up to take my bath." I told them. "I need some time alone," I whispered to Barry.
"No problem. Rose. I'll help Evan get himself dressed. We men have to work on ourselves, too," he added in a deliberately loud voice.
I filled the tub and lit a candle. While I soaked. I listened to some soft music and tried to keep myself calm. I couldn't help thinking about Daddy and how carefree he had been about everything in his life. He seemed a man who shrugged off tension and pressure as easily as a duck shook off water. Didn't I inherit any of that? I wondered.
Maybe it all caught up with him, I thought. As hard as it was to face, maybe all the pressure and tension he had locked up in some secret place in his heart overflowed finally and he exploded. Maybe he did take his own life.
I could hear him at my side, reciting. "Your eyes are two diamonds. Your hair is spun gold. Your lips are rubies and your skin comes from pearls. My Rose petal."
"Oh, Daddy," I moaned. "Oh, Daddy. I need you now. I've always needed you. Sinner or not, you were my Daddy," I whispered and swallowed back my tears.
Somehow the forces that drive anyone to achieve, to go forward and try to accomplish something significant in his or her life, took over inside me. I fixed my hair and my makeup, dressed, and went down at the appropriate hour. Both Barry and Evan were waiting patiently, both looking very handsome and trying not to look nervous for me.