"I don't like the fact that there are going to be so many years between you and your little brother or sister, but that is just the way it has turned out for us. You will be more of a mother's helper. That's a good way to look at it, isn't it. Grace?"
"Yes, Mommy."
It doesn't upset you or anything like that, does it. Grace?" she asked, her head tilted with some suspicion. "No, Mommy. Why should it?"
"Good," she said, patting my hand. "I told your father I would talk to you about it. He's so oldfashioned when it comes to these sorts of discussions, and he refuses to admit to himself that you are practically a young adult and know more about it all than he wants to imagine.
"Daddies want to keep their daughters little girls more than they want to keep their sons little boys. It's just the opposite for mothers," she said.
How do you get to know all that? I wondered, It wasn't something taught in any classroom.
"Well let him live in his illusion awhile longer, but the first time you get serious about a young man, he's going to go into a nosedive. You haven't met anyone yet, have you?" she asked.
"No, Mommy," I said. laughing.
"What's so funny or incredible about it. Grace? Look at you," she said, forcing me to turn to gaze into my vanity mirror. "You're very attractive, and you already have a perky little figure. Don't tell me You don't notice boys looking your way," she said.
Of course I had. but I had avoided looking back at any of them. At my school in San Diego, I had developed a slight relationship, not worth describing when Autumn had asked. The most we had done was hold hands and kiss. The boy was actually shyer than I was, but I was comfortable with that and didn't mind.
Now, after what had happened here. I had a suspicion that Wendi and Penny were spreading stories about me. Lately I was growing more and more worried about some of the looks I was getting, the stares, the tiny giggles that followed. Not being privy to the so-called inner circle at school. I wasn't sure what sort of things were being said. but I had the feeling they weren't complimentary.
"Okay," she said. rising. "I just wanted you to be aware of what w
as going on. I'll let you know when the wonderful event happens."
I didn't realize I was holding my breath until after she had left and I let it out, freeing my chest from the band of tension around it So often in our lives we were involved in new things, major changes, but the prospect of another child in our home was the biggest and most dramatic.
Daddy didn't come home until after I had gone to my room to prepare for bed. He knocked on my door,
"Hey, Sailor Girl," he said when I told him to come in. I was already in my nightgown and had just crawled under my blanket. Even though he did it less and less these days. Daddy often stopped by to say good night to me. I knew most girls my age would think it immature, babyish, for me to like that. but I did.
"Hi," I said, and he approached the bed. He was still in his flight uniform. and I thought he looked as handsome and exciting as any movie star.
"So." he said. 'Mommy tells me you guys had a good chat today."
"Yes," I said.
"We want you aboard on this, you know. It's a full family decision. I know that I got so used to being the only child in the house that the very thought of sharing even space at the kitchen table bothered me."
"I don't feel that way. Daddy."'
"I didn't think you would." He gave me a side glance and then perused my shelf of books. "I hope your brother or sister will be as goad a reader as you are, Grace. There is so much competition for everyone's attention these days, especially younger people, but reading is special. It's really a personal experience, isn't it?"
"Yes. Daddy."
"You can live a whole life through the books you read, not that it should be the only thing, of course."
"No, Daddy."
He seemed so much more nervous than he had ever been around me. He was working hard at making conversation,
"You know, our decision to have another child now doesn't guarantee it will happen," he warned.
"I know, but Mommy said you've gone through tests."
"She told you that, too. huh?"
"Yes, Daddy."