"It's worth remembering," she said, and left to finish her packing, too.
Actually. Uncle Palaver's arrangements called for him to leave for the airport before dinner, which was another disappointment. I thought we'd at least have that time together. He was packing his bag in the guest room when I went looking for him.
"I'm sorry, I'm leaving so quickly." he said. "but I think I should get back."
I understood what he meant and nodded, imagining he was worried about Destiny.
"You guys are going to be fine." he told me. "I wouldn't go if I didn't believe that."
"I know, Don't worry about us," I said. "I just wish we had more time together."
"We will," he promised, and he put his arm around my shoulders and held me against him for a moment. He wasn't looking at me. however. He was staring at the wall and smiling. "I remember when I was a little boy, only about seven. I think. I performed this trick for Nora. Our mother had bought me a magician's game. and I was able to make a coin disappear in a trick box. She was such a good actress, your mother, even at that young age. She put on a great show of amazement and made me feel like I had matched Houdini or something. No matter what I tried to do afterward. I always worked on my magic act. Something inside me told me that would be who I would be. Of course, everyone blew me up, raved about my acting and singing talents until I made a fool of myself on the stage. Sometimes, you have to go in a circle to get where you belong." he said. "Don't be afraid of it."
He kissed me on the forehead and completed his packing. We started out together. I called to Brenda.
"Uncle Palaver's ready to go!" I cried, and she appeared.
He paused at the door and turned to us. "I hate leaving you two," he said.
"We'll be fine. Uncle Palaver. I'll call with our new information as I promised," Brenda told him.
He nodded, and she stepped forward to hug him. My lips were trembling so much I just buried my face against his chest for a moment.
"Sometimes." he said when I stepped back. "I think death is like some manic trick God performs. It's just another illusion." He shrugged. "Who knows? Remember, good magicians, real magicians, never tell their secrets."
He opened the door, stepped out, smiled at us, and closed the door.
Brenda and I were silent for a moment, staring at the closed door.
"I think I'm a little hungry," she said. "Mrs. Maxwell left a roast turkey and some salad in the refrigerator. I'm going to heat up the turkey. How about you?"
"I'll have a little. I guess," I said.
I followed her to the kitchen, found some dishware and silverware for us to use, and set it up in the dining room. I brought out a jug of water, too. She brought out the food, and we sat across from each other. both Mama's and Daddy's chairs now empty.
"My coach called yesterday ," she said after we had begun to eat. "He told me I've been chosen for the regional all-star basketball game. I have to go to practice day after tomorrow. Mama would have wanted me to do that," she added before I could even suggest it was too soon.
I nodded.
I couldn't blame her I wouldn't blame her. She had something to turn to, something to fill her days and give her a reason to go on.
What did I have?
"I'm going to depend on you to help us get through this. April. Celia is very intelligent, but setting up a home is not exactly her forte. Despite her sad stories, she was always spoiled by someone. I need you to be there." she emphasized.
"Okay," I said. I loved the sound of it: I need you. 'Okay," I repeated, and I ate like someone with a ravenous appetite.
It made her laugh, and then I did.
Uncle Palaver's right, I thought. So much of it all is merely an illusion.
It was the hardest of all nights to sleep. Not only did the realization of Mama's being gone forever set in, but along with it was this terrible sense of drifting. The future was so unclear for me now, not that it had ever been in any way definite. At least. I used to think in terms of Mama being there, being at my graduation, helping me plan a college life and professional life, guiding me, being my best friend. I hated this sense of loneliness. No matter what Brenda or Celia told me. I knew in my heart they would have their own busy lives occupying them. It wouldn't be long before I was just a burden they would not have had.
On the other hand. I thought. I'd been a loner most of my life. anyway. This all just meant I'd be one somewhere else. I never had that easy of a time making friends or holding on to the few I had made. None of my classmates appeared at the church for Mama's funeral, in fact, even though some of their parents attended. What did I really have to lose by moving away? Except for Mama, of course, this room was all that had mattered to me, and after all, it was just a room, just four walls I dressed with some of my identity. I could do that anywhere.
I hugged Mr. Panda to me, closed my eyes, and pushed myself into a pool of sleep.
Brenda was up before me in the morning. She went to get a U-Haul trailer for us to attach to the car, because the cartons we had filled would be too much for the car trunk. Later that day, the real estate agent, Camellia Dawson Davis, appeared to review the house with Brenda. She looked as if she had been formed out of plastic from a mold. Not a strand of her hair rebelled. Her makeup was thick and perfect, and she wore a brilliant blue suit with high heels and enough jewelry to sink the Titanic again.