Celia moved to put her arm around my shoulders, and we three stood there silently gazing at my mother, who had drifted off and out of this life, away from the sadness and disappointment, out of the reach of Bad Luck forever, perhaps in hopes of meeting Daddy in a place where he was no longer Mr. Hyde, where he was young and handsome and happy. The two of them would be as they were, and death would be defeated. At the moment. I could think only of joining her. How easy she had made it seem.
Brenda leaned in and kissed Mama's check. She said. 'Goodbye, Mama. Sleep in peace."
And then, that body of mine that had been going from soft mush to hard numb muscle returned to mush, and my legs gave way. In fact. I felt as if my torso were sinking through them. I sat on the floor before I went dark.
I woke up in another examination room. A nurse was standing over me, checking my blood pressure and pulse. She smiled at me when my eyes opened, then turned and nodded at Brenda.
"She'll be fine," she said.
I'll be fine? You mean, because I have blood pressure and a pulse, I'll be fine? My whole life will be perfect now? My mother died. I fainted and woke up, and that's it? I'm .fine?
Brenda read my thoughts and didn't smile or even thank the nurse.
"We've got to go home now. April." she said. "There are things to do. I want to see if I can reach Uncle Palaver. too. C'mon," she urged, helping me sit up.
The room spun and then settled down. I stepped off the gurney, and Celia rushed to take my other arm.
"Let s just get out of here as fast as we can," Brenda told her.
It was as though we were making some sort of escape, escape from the reality of Mama's expiring as the doctor had said, escape from the eyes and the looks of all the medical personnel who knew what terrible thing had occurred. People in the waiting room looked up at us. thinking I was the one who had been brought to the emergency room.
"Where's Mrs. Maxwell?" I asked.
"She had her husband come get her," Brenda said. "She said she'll be at our house later."
"How long was I unconscious?"
"Not long." Celia said.
"Mama died?" I asked. I had to hear it again, to hear it from them. to know it wasn't just a nightmare and there was absolutely no mistake.
"Yes, April," Brenda said. "Mama died."
They put me in the rear seat. and I lay back. Celia drove, and Brenda sat up front just staring at the dashboard.
"Are you all right?" Celia asked.
Brenda nodded. "Let's go home." she said.
We drove off. and I thought. Oh no, oh no, we're going home and Mama won't be there. We can't leave her behind. It put a panic in me.
"We can't leave Mama back there!" I cried.
"She won't be there long," Brenda said. "We'll follow the directions Daddy left long ago for what to do in the event of their deaths. My father was Mr. Efficiency," she told Celia.
"Sometimes, especially at times like this, you can't help but be grateful for that."
"No," Brenda said. "I don't agree. I'd rather muddle through it all, suffer through every step."
"Like pounding nails into yourself? Who's blaming herself now, Brenda?"
Brenda was quiet. Then she turned away and looked out the side window. "I knew it last night," she said.
"How?"
"When April told me she had called her Mrs. Panda. I knew it was coming, but I didn't do anything. I should have gotten into the car and driven home, but all I could think about was that damn game and our victory."
"Brenda, you're not making sense."