stop it was to take another drink. It was developing
into a mad, destructive cycle, and I was standing by
watching helplessly.
Once, when I saw he had put half a bottle of
bourbon back into the closet. I took advantage of an
opportunity when he was out and emptied half of that,
filling it with water back to where it was. I held my
breath when he drank from it. He didn't seem to notice
anything at first, but then he just drank it all faster and
went to a new bottle.
Perhaps worrying about him was a reason for my losing weight even faster, but one day. I suddenly noticed I looked taller and thinner. I tried on the sequin suit and saw it fit much better and actually looked flattering. Perhaps if I told him I was ready to join him onstage, he would change his behavior. I thought. When he stepped back into the motor home. I
was still dressed in the suit and showed him how it fit. Instead of making him happy and encouraged,
he grew sad before my eyes.
"Seeing that costume brings back some happy
memories, some happy lost memories," he said, and
went to the bedroom.
Ironically, what I had hoped would bring him
out of the darkness had simply driven him down
deeper into it. That night, he didn't even start our
drive. He went right to his drinking. He was asleep on
the sofa when I woke in the morning, his bottles
emptied. I woke him, but he stumbled into the
bathroom. where I heard him vomit, Later, I found he
had spit up more blood. When he came out, he went
directly to the bedroom and closed the door. I realized we were not going to make it to our
next show if we didn't start out immediately. I pleaded
with him to come out and start the drive, but all I
heard was some sobbing and muffled speech. I had watched him drive the motor home enough to know how to do it and decided to start us on our way myself. I was nervous. A few times. I annoyed some drivers behind us. but I managed to get us onto the right highways and move us along far enough so that when he did come out, we were within striking distance of the next theater. He was surprised, and he wasn't as angry as I'd imagined he might be. He blamed himself and told me Destiny had chastised him. He claimed he was making a promise to both of
us to reform himself.
Somehow, despite his condition and despite his