"Oh, that's ridiculous. You looked so attractive. Maybe he's just not right for you. This could have been a good thing. April.
"I had such a time with your sister,'" she continued. "I've seen her uptight before, but not like this. It took all this time to calm her down.
Apparently, she had some words with the coach afterward, too. She didn't want anything to eat. She drank too much. I just left her heaving in the bathroom.
"So, tell me what happened. exactly. Where did you go after the game?"
I sighed, sucked in my breath, and turned toward her. "I asked him if he wanted to come here, but he didn't. We went to his house. His aunt wasn't home yet."
"Oh. So he invited you to his home."
"Only to bawl me out and then to... to..."
"To do you, as they say." she filled in, and twisted her lips with sarcasm. "Take advantage?"
"He thought it was what I wanted. I thought it was. too."
"So, what happened?"
"I couldn't... I panicked. I... I don't know."
"You're at the age when those feelings are so confusing," she said, her voice softening. "Your body and your mind can easily be on two different tracks, going in different directions. I remember too well having experiences just like the one you had tonight."
"I doubt it."
"Oh, no. There's nothing unusual about what you've just gone through. April. You're actually just exploring, discovering. Don't be discouraged,"
"Some exploration. I practically leaped out of my skin when he started to... to really touch me."
"It just wasn't the right fit," she said, smiling at me, brushing my hair away from my forehead. "Except for yourself and that terrible incident you experienced back in Hickory with those disgusting boys and that girl, no one has ever touched you in these places, right?"
I nodded.
"First, there is the surprise and then the confusion about how you should react. Everyone you speak to and everything you read tells you one thing, and then, perhaps, you discover something new about yourself you never expected. Am I right?'
"Yes," I said. nodding.
She smiled. "The worst thing is, some parents, many people, self-important religious people, especially, tell you these feelings are evil. They make you think your body is dirty for having these feelings. They lay such guilt on you, which only makes it all more confusing and in the end drives people crazy or into doing things that are bad for them. You must not be afraid of yourself," she said.
She stroked my cheeks and then leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. "In your face. I see myself as a young girl," she told me.
She put her hand on my neck and squeezed between my neck and shoulder. "You're so tight. Your body is like a brick right now."
"I know," I said.
"Close your eyes, relax. Let me help you the way I help your sister." she said, and moved so she could help me into a sitting position while she massaged my neck and shoulders. "How's that feel?"
"Good," I said.
"Sure it does." She surprised me by kissing my neck. "Just relax. Let yourself drift. Let your body soak in its own capacity for pleasure and comfort,"
She spoke so softly, her words and voice hypnotizing. I did relax. Her hands moved over my shoulders. kneading my muscles, softening where I was hard and tight.
'Did he touch you here?" she asked, her fingers moving down over my breasts to my nipples. They hardened instantly.
"Yes."
"And that's when you pushed him away?"