"He is also in Nathaniel's bed."
"Yeah, and he does everything with him, including things that Micah still can't quite wrap his head around."
"Micah has never had a male lover before, ma petite. It can take some adjustment."
"I know it does for me with the women." Then I realized that he might have said more than I'd understood, so I asked him, "You weren't always bisexual, were you?"
"There had been drunken explorations, but I believe that I would now call that heteroflexible."
"Did you cross the line with another man before you were taken to Belle Morte's court?"
"No, I did not."
I blinked at him. "Fuck, Asher was your first man, male lover, wasn't he?"
Jean-Claude nodded, then looked away so I couldn't see his face, which meant he didn't trust himself to be able to control his expression. It was incredibly rare for him to be unable to control himself like that.
"God, Jean-Claude, I'm sorry. I didn't know."
He spoke with his face still turned away. "Why should you be sorry, ma petite?"
"It explains a lot about why you were willing to put up with Asher's jealousy and temper tantrums over the centuries. It also explains . . . Your first lover gets a piece of your heart until you have enough therapy to take it back."
He laughed then. "Ah, ma petite, such a mix of romance and practicality--I value it a great deal that you do both equally well."
"I share enough of your memories to know that Belle was very good at both, too."
"But she was never in love with me, as you are. To find a second woman who could be everything I wished in the bedroom and in the boardroom was more than I thought I would ever find."
"I'm also better in an actual physical fight than Belle."
He turned and smiled at me; whatever emotion he'd been trying to hide, he'd managed. "Belle was powerful enough that she did not resort to fisticuffs."
"I'm a double threat. I'll kick your ass with metaphysics and then I'll just plain kick your ass."
He laughed, but it was his controlled laugh, the one that I'd thought was his real laugh for a long time. Now I knew that it was a sort of practiced laughter, one that showed joy, or humor, but he could trot it out at will, even if he didn't get the joke. To be part of Belle Morte's court he'd had to laugh at the jokes and not show disgust at other things.
"It is true: you are the first warrior I have ever fallen in love with, ma petite."
"I've seen you and Asher do sword practice. Doesn't that count?"
"He is good at the sort of practice one does to impress a lady, or a lad, but in a real fight he tends to let his emotions overwhelm his knowledge, and blade work is about precision and control."
"All fighting is about precision and control," I said.
He nodded. "I concede that is true of most fighting, but not all. I have seen battles won through sheer uncontrollable rage. At the right moment it can turn the tide of battle and renew the bravery of those around the warrior who can show strength when all around him have given up."
"Agreed, though actual battle, I don't think what I've done qualifies as actual battle yet."
"That is for you to define, ma petite, but Asher's temper always unmanned him in a fight. He was much better at being a lover than a fighter."
"He's great in bed, but he sucks at the relationship part."
"He does not suck, as you say, at all the relationship part, but I understand you have not seen the parts he is good at as much as I have."
"I've never been on a single date with him."
"You have been on dates with us both."
"Please, never take me to the opera again."
He laughed, but again it was that careful laugh, delightful to hear, but it was still camouflage.
"Asher does like what is now called highbrow culture more than you do."
"The complete Tchaikovsky Sleeping Beauty made me want to hurt myself, and I thought I liked ballet."
"Most people like selections of the well-known ballets but have no idea how much has been cut for time."
I might have had to admit I was totally uncultured, but a knock at the door saved me. I started to ask who it was, but just thinking about asking, I could feel Nicky on the other side of the door, and . . . Cynric.
"Why is Sin with him?" I asked out loud.
"I do not know," Jean-Claude said, and called, "Come in, Nicholas."
The door opened and Nicky's broad shoulders filled it as he walked through, but there were a few inches of dark hair over his head, because Sin was the taller of the two.
"I've told you before, Jean-Claude, it's just Nicky. It's not short for anything."
"I am sorry, Nicky, but it seems too little a name for the man you have become."
He shrugged as much as his shoulder muscles would allow. "My maternal grandfather's name was Nicholas, the bitch who called herself my mother was named Nicole after him, and I was named Nicky after both of them. Let me just say while we're on the topic that I know that Nathaniel wants to name a boy Nicholas, after his dead brother, but I'd rather not."
"What boy are we naming?" I asked.
"Now you've done it," Cynric said.
"Sin, it is always lovely to see you, but we have personal matters to discuss with Nicky," Jean-Claude said.
"Are you saying that Nathaniel is picking out baby names?" I asked.
"You know he has baby fever," Nicky said.
"Picking out names is a little more than baby fever," I said.
"Nathaniel wants a family, Anita--you know that," Sin said.
"Yeah, and if he could get pregnant we could talk about it, but since I'm the only womb in the relationship it's not happening."
"You aren't the only girl anymore," Sin said.
I looked at him, ready to be mad at Nathaniel for picking out names for a baby I hadn't agreed to have, but any target would do. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means that when Nathaniel talked about wanting a baby, Fortune was there last time and said she might be willing."
"To have Nathaniel's baby?" I asked.
"It didn't get that far, but she's never had a baby, and if she and Echo feel safe enough she might consider it, that's all." Sin held his hands out in a little push-away gesture.
"I guess I'll talk to her on the plane about babies," I said, and I was really angry and some other emotion was in there. I realized that the thought of Nathaniel having a baby with another woman bothered me, a lot. Damn it, I was not breeding!
"I didn't mean to start a fight, Anita. You made it sound like your objection to babies is getting pregnant. I thought knowing that one of the other women in our poly group was willing to get pregnant would solve things, not make you mad," Sin said.
"Well, it didn't solve things," I said, and I sounded pissed. Damn it.
"Ma petite, we do not have time for an argument if you are to feed before you get on the plane."
"Besides, the kid is right," Nicky said. "If your only objection was needing someone else to get pregnant, it would solve the problem." He was watching me, and something about the way he was doing it let me know that he was feeling exactly what I was feeling. I couldn't feel his emotions the way I could if I dropped my psychic shielding with Jean-Claude, or even Cynric, but I also couldn't keep Nicky from sensing my emotions the way I could the others. As my Bride, Nicky was compelled to keep me happy. It literally seemed to cause him discomfort if not pain to feel me unhappy. He never seemed to share what he sensed from me with any of the other people in our lives, but the look in his eyes said that he, of all of them, knew exactly why I was upset.
"It's really hard to get in the mood sometimes when this kind of topic comes up," I said, and my voice still held an edge of anger, but mostly I sounded peevish and whiny, and I hated hearing that in my own voice. I could do better than this. I had told Nathaniel that if he could get pregnant we could talk about babies more seriously. It had been my way of dropping the topic, but one thing I ha
dn't considered when we added other women to our poly group was that I wasn't the only one who could get pregnant now. I also hadn't expected how bad it made me feel to think of someone else carrying Nathaniel's child. I still didn't want to be pregnant, but I didn't want him to do it with anyone else, which made no sense at all. But one thing I'd learned in therapy was that just because a feeling made no sense didn't make you stop feeling it.
"I didn't mean to make things harder, or weirder," Cynric said.
Nicky gave him a look that said he doubted that last part. He didn't give Cynric looks like that much, so something was up. "Go ahead, kid. Tell them what you want that doesn't make things harder, or weirder."
"You make it sound like I'm wrong."
"I didn't say you were wrong. I just didn't say you were right."
"I have to be one or the other," Cynric said.
"No, you can be wrong and right at the same time."
"No, you can't," Cynric said.
"As much as I'd prefer the world to be black and white, yes or no, right or wrong, Nicky's right: Sometimes you can be both," I said.
"Ah, ma petite, you have grown in wisdom since first we met, for then you believed the world was black and white without gray in between."
"What's that mean?" Cynric asked.
"It means that once upon a time I would have agreed with you, that there was no way to be right and wrong at the same time."
"I still don't understand," he said.
"Tell them your plan and then they'll explain it to you," Nicky said.
Cynric got a stubborn look on his face. "It's logical," he said.
"I didn't argue logic with you, kid."
"Please, stop calling me kid. It doesn't really help me make my point."
"Not my job to help you make your point," Nicky said.
I frowned at both of them. "Why are you guys almost fighting?"
"The kid--oh, sorry, Sin--is trying to cockblock me."
Cynric rolled his eyes. "Thanks for that elegant introduction to the conversation, Nicky."
"You're welcome," he said with a smile that looked real, as if he didn't get the joke. I knew he got it, but I also knew he was a wonderful actor when he wanted or needed to be. A lot of sociopaths are.
"Enough conversation, Cynric," I said. "Just tell us what's going on."
"Anita, please use my name."
"That is your name."
"Then use the nickname I prefer."