“Son, what’s going on? This is crazy. Mama is as upset as Hadley. This isn’t right, Luca. Why are you doing this?”
I push myself up to lean against the headboard, wincing from the ache in my muscles. “I don’t want kids. I’m no good with them.”
“This is your baby, Luca. It’s different when it’s your own and it’s no excuse to leave Hadley to do it herself. You should love her enough to at least try.”
The problem isn’t that I don’t love her enough. “I love her too much, Papa. Even if I wanted this, I don’t know if I’d be able to. If I ever hurt Hadley like that, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”
My father is quiet for a moment. “You’re talking about Valeria.” He’s not asking because he knows I am. Suddenly, he’s speaking to me in Russian, his voice low and his accent thick with his rage. “Don’t you dare use her as an excuse, Luca. This isn’t about her, nor what happened. She doesn’t deserve for you to use your fear and blame it on what happened. Hadley doesn’t deserve that either. Leave Valeria out of this. We don’t blame you and you shouldn’t blame yourself. You need to think long and hard about what you’re doing, Luca.”
I don’t reply because no response I can think of will satisfy him. Instead, I change the subject. “How’s Mama?”
“She told Hadley if you didn’t come around, we would move here to help her. She’s not very happy with you right now. Neither am I. Luca, you’re a good person and an even better son. I’ve always been proud of you. There isn’t a time in my life that I haven’t been until tonight. I don’t ever want to feel that again. Your mama and I raised you to be a man; please think about what you’re doing to Hadley and your child.”
His words turn over in my mind. My gut still says no, that this isn’t a good thing, that I’m willing to face the consequences rather than staying. And then, there’s the other half of me that’s Hadley’s. “How am I supposed to change my mind and want this when no part of me does?”
“Luca, when your mama told me that she was having you, I was scared. I was working in a factory and could barely afford to feed us, let alone a child. I didn’t think I could do it. I didn't know how we were going to make it, but having a child is the scariest and most rewarding experience that any person can have. You’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to have fears. But, you’ll always have Hadley by your side to help balance you. You need to be a man, Luca. You need to be there for your child and Hadley.”
Once again, I change the subject. “I should get some sleep. How long are you staying?”
“After the next game unless your mama changes her mind. Sleep and think about what I’ve said.”
I promise him I will and then we hang up.
~ ~ ~
My body aches, but I do a good job of ignoring it while we run drills in practice. It doesn’t help that I didn’t sleep well last night. Once I get back to the hotel, I’m going to nap for the rest of the day. When I’m finally able to leave, Mr. York stops me in the hallway.
“How are you doing, Zotov?” He steps forward and in a hushed tone adds, “Congratulations, by the way. Hadley told me about the baby and that you were keeping it hush-hush for now. I couldn’t resist saying congrats though.” He grins as if this is his happy news instead of mine.
“She told you?” I ask.
“She called and was concerned that I wouldn’t give her the position if she was pregnant.”
I didn’t think about that. Surely he wouldn’t change his mind just because of this, right? Or maybe he would. “Does she still have the job?” I question, the panic seeping through my voice.
Mr. York narrows his eyes at me. “I might be an ass from time to time with the team, Zotov, but I’m not that way all the time. Hadley is smart and the best. I need her for THN and with you by her side, she can’t fail.”
“I’m sure she appreciates the job,” is all I can say.
“Well, I’m glad to have her.” He seems to think about something before speaking again. “Is she having a lot of morning sickness? My wife had the worst. She was miserable all the time. The only thing that made her feel better were some saltine crackers and ginger ale. Our cabinets looked like a shelf from the store, it was so stocked up with those things.”
What am I supposed to say to that? I don’t know if Hadley’s had morning sickness. “It hasn’t been too bad,” I lie.
He rests a hand on my shoulder and looks weirdly serious for a moment. “I’m going to give you the best piece of advice you’ve ever heard. It’s simple. When you’re with a woman that’s having a baby, always be there for her. No matter what she wants, or what time she wants it, be there for her.”
Well, I’ve already fucked that up.
The first thing that catches my eye when I walk into my hotel room is Hadley’s engagement ring. It’s been sitting in its box on the dresser since I first stayed here. I don’t know why I haven’t put it up somewhere yet. It’s not like I need a reminder of what’s happened or a reminder of Hadley.
She’s been part of me for so long. Every memory of our time together is as vivid as if it only happened yesterday. One of my favorites is probably when I first told Hadley I loved her. A smile already lifts my lips.
Once I grew a beard and it was good and full on my face, Hadley and I went on a special date. This was when she was going to tell me if my beard made me look better, if I earned a kiss from her. We had a blast, but once we returned to my room, she became very serious. I couldn’t stop smiling as she tilted her head left and right, turning my head left and right as she examined my face with facial hair.
“Well?” I asked because she still hadn’t said anything.
“I guess it’s okay. I mean, you have such a baby face that the beard makes you look older, but I’m not sure if it earns a kiss,” she playfully responded.
“I think it does. I’ve never grown a beard for someone. That should count for something, too. Do you like it or not? I really need to know.”