By the time Nolan picked up Lizzie and Stella on Friday, midmorning, he already had a Realtor from Austin Elite Real Estate lining up homes for them to see.
While a part of him felt uncomfortable, buying a house without anyone in his family knowing what he was doing, he couldn’t get the job done fast enough. He had his own money, could pay cash for the house, and no one would be the wiser. But his family...they told each other about major activities in their lives.
Especially since Austin’s debacle. They’d all learned to make sure that the family had each other’s backs.
Stella, in another of her new Christmas outfits, a red one-piece with a red, white and green netted skirt and three-dimensional holly balls on the top, had their Realtor, a middle-aged woman who’d been in the business more than twenty years, entranced. She assumed Nolan and Lizzie were a couple.
With a glance at Lizzie, who’d shrugged, he let the assumption lie untouched. Just seemed easier than trying to explain the truth of their situation.
Sandra had shown them three houses, driving ahead of them, while Nolan and Lizzie and Stella followed in the rented SUV, when Stella, who’d been sleeping on and off, started to get fussy.
They had an appointment to see the fourth house, and because it was owner-occupied it would be their only window until after the holiday. The house, a two-story with split double master suites, was at the top of his list.
“We’re about fifteen minutes away,” Nolan said to Lizzie. Their appointment was in thirty minutes. “I’ll let Sandra know we’re going to stop and will meet her there.” He had all of the addresses already typed into the GPS system. And he was already asking the voice search to find the closest library. They’d have clean restrooms. But with the crying, his virtual assistant couldn’t make out his request.
“It’s okay,” Lizzie said, raising her voice to be heard over the sound of the crying as she motioned to the parking lot of one of Austin’s more impressive office buildings. “Just pull in here. I can feed her in the car.”
Heart pumping for no sane reason, he did as she asked, finding a spot off in a far corner that had trees lining the spaces. She was already out of the vehicle and climbing into the backseat by the time he’d turned off the engine.
And in what seemed like only seconds, the crying had stopped, replaced by small sucking sounds. Because the car seat was right behind Nolan, Lizzie was sitting on the opposite side of the car. If he turned his head just a little bit, he could see her out of the corner of his eye.
He didn’t.
But he had to fight hard not to.
Tapping his thumb on the steering wheel, he looked at the trees, started to whistle one of the newer tunes the band was doing. The radio music he’d been playing, a streaming Christmas channel, had gone off with the car.
Thinking of Lizzie breast-feeding their baby was overwhelming. It warmed him in a way he’d never experienced before.
“Does it hurt?” he finally blurted when his imagination was taking him places he didn’t feel comfortable going. Not without her knowledge. “My sisters...none of them have kids yet,” he added, feeling like a complete idiot. He tried to distract himself, focusing on the bug-splattered windshield. It needed to be cleaned. He’d do that the next time he gassed up.
“At first it did,” she said, after long enough that he’d assumed he wasn’t going to get an answer, and was already formulating an apology for crossing one of the many unseen lines they seemed to have drawn between them.
All necessary lines.
“Or rather, after the first day or so. At first, it was really cool. Indescribable. Then my nipples got raw and so sore it was excruciating.”
“Is that normal?” he asked.
“Yep. They give you lotion, but mostly you just have to get through the toughening-up part, and then it’s great again.”
Stella’s breathing was heavier as she sucked and swallowed. It took upon a rhythm. Shhhhd, gull, shhhhd, gull. And then faster, as though she couldn’t get enough. Shhhhd, gull, shhhhd, gull. And slowing again.
He played around in his head with attaching different notes to them. Had a thought about writing a piece. A mother’s love song. His love song to the mother of his child. Would she accept it?
Thankfully, he was smart enough not to ask that question.
* * *
Lizzie managed to keep herself emotionally distanced on Friday as they looked at homes. The last appointment ran late and she and Nolan only had a few minutes to talk on the way home.
“So which house was your favorite today?”
She knew his. The fourth one. He’d told her so while they were in it, and twice afterward, too.
“Honestly?” Stella was sleeping in her car seat and Lizzie really just wanted to lie down and join her.
“Of course.”