Getting back to business.
A place he didn’t want her to go.
“I wanted to talk to you about the future,” he started, settling with some difficulty onto the love seat cushion closest to her. He needed t
o walk. To move.
A reaction only she seemed to instill in him.
“What about the future?” Her frown was softened by the smile he’d grown to dislike: the one with professional stiffness about it. Not something he’d noticed when he’d first been a client in her office, but one that he’d learned well in the months they’d been together.
Learned well and started to dislike it being directed at him. Vehemently.
“I’d like you to play a part in the baby’s life.” When he put it starkly like that, all alone out in the world, he stiffened inside. “It’s kind of a reverse surrogate wanting to keep the baby thing.” He tried to lighten the moment and heard the miserable fail.
She hadn’t moved. Just watched him, that horrible smile on her face.
“It sounds bad,” he said. “You’re already sacrificing so much, putting parts of your life on hold, to give me my chance at a family, and here I am asking for more. I just...now that we’re in this situation... I’m seeing what I was really asking of you...”
Yes, but that wasn’t what this was about, either.
“...So much more than to hire your body for nine months.
“You deserve to get to know the child you’re carrying. What I’m trying to do is establish your relationship with the baby, if you want one. One of your choosing.”
She still said nothing. Just sat there. Smiling at him. He saw no tremble in her lips to indicate she cared, no change of expression that let him know she’d even heard.
“I’m not asking you to give any more of yourself,” he said. “I’m not asking you to do anything for the child, to sacrifice any more. I know our contract states that you can request the chance to see the child at some point, if the need arises. But I’m saying, the door’s open for you to have the child in your life on a regular basis, from birth. Not as the mother, necessarily. Not with legal custody rights. But...there.”
There. He’d finally gotten it right.
Partially.
Her smile had faded.
“I’ve... I like you, Christine. I like having you in my life. I’d like to think we’ve become friends. And that we can remain friends...”
And that was the other part. He didn’t want the birth of his child to mean that he’d lose her.
She was blinking regularly. Breathing.
“Say something...”
Pursing her lips, she rocked a little bit, forward and back, the movement almost imperceptible. But there. Was she nodding? Comforting herself?
“I...uh...” She cocked her head, smiled at him again. Mostly professionally, accompanied by a more personal glint in her eyes.
“Ever since that brunch with Tom at the country club...” He’d apologized profusely after that god-awful hour. She’d brushed him off as though the meeting had been of no personal concern. Had said she understood where Tom was coming from and was fine.
He’d had no choice but to let it go. To try to believe her. But...
“Before that even... I’ve begun to realize how selfish I’ve been and... The Parent Portal is all about the human element in fertility choices. It’s what sets your clinic apart. You’ve given your whole life to the cause, and I’ve managed to put you in a situation that takes your own humanity out of it...”
“It’s okay, Jamie.”
No it wasn’t. “Please, Christine, don’t go all Ms. Elliott on me. I’m not a client here.”
“Technically, I’m your employee.”