Eliza falls into the chair beside me with a sigh, and I steal a square of cheese from the plate in front of me. “Sometimes people aren’t strong enough to be honest when it matters most.”
I nod, chewing. Swallow. “I cannot believe I haven’t started crying yet. But for real, I’ve done so good.” I steal more cheese. “Ugly crying is not a good look for me. I tend to avoid it at all costs.”
That makes Eliza laugh, and she pats my hand before standing again so she can finish prepping linner. She fusses around the kitchen, opening this cabinet and that, taking things out of the fridge.
“Do you want help with anything?”
My old roommate shakes her head. “No. You stay sitting—you are my guest.” Her eyes roam my face. “You need a stiff drink, but all we have is soda, juice, and water. What’ll it be?” She wants my order as if she were a bartender at one of our favorite bars downtown.
“Water—pour me another.”
“Just water? It’s Saturday and it’s five o’clock somewhere.”
“Ha. Yeah, I’m sure. I went out last night and still feel like shit.”
A little liquid numbing might have kept the self-pity at bay for a night but sure didn’t do me any favors this morning when I went to practice.
“One water coming right up.”
More cheese.
A small piece of summer sausage.
“Okay—what’s up with all this food? Are you having a party and I wasn’t invited?”
Eliza is filling a glass with ice at the freezer before holding it under the faucet for water. “Jack and I have a new roommate and he’s moving in today. I thought it would be nice to have food set out in case there were a bunch of people coming in and out to help him out. Turns out it’s just him and a few boxes, so…eat up.”
“Don’t mind if I do!”
Yum.
Free food tastes so good, especially food I don’t have to prepare myself—I’m not the best cook in the world.
“Who’s the new roommate?”
Eliza rearranges the sandwiches she’s already arranged on a plate. “He is a friend of Ashley, Jack’s brother.” Pause. “Well, maybe not a friend, but someone he met and clicked with who hasn’t been living on campus and now needs a place to rent.”
“Oh—like a local?”
“I think he’s local, yes. I think his parents are in North Liberty?”
Never heard of it. “Where is that?”
Eliza tilts her head to think. “North Liberty is just southeast of school, I think?” She points at the wall above the stove. “About fifteen or twenty minutes away.”
I pick at the cheese again. “Has he ever lived on campus before, or has he always commuted?”
“He’s always commuted.”
“Shit, for real?” That sounds hideous. “I can’t imagine living with my parents after I turned eighteen. Then again, my mother is certifiable.”
“I love my parents, but I wouldn’t want to live at home, either.” She plucks a cherry tomato from the tray and pops it in her mouth, chewing. “That’s why I moved this far.”
“Exactly. I’m too far to visit on a regular basis but close enough that I still get in-state tuition.”
God, I can’t imagine seeing my mother every single day.
It would be like…being trapped in hell with no escape.
“How does he study?”
Eliza shrugs. “You’ll have to ask him that.”
We’re silent for a few minutes as we pick at the food in the center of the counter, and I put mayonnaise on a croissant sandwich (and a little bit of mustard) before scarfing the entire thing down.
I’m eating my feelings, and Eliza notices.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”
“Eliza—I’ll be fine.” I smile to prove it. “This isn’t my first rodeo—granted, it’s the first rodeo where the stallion didn’t stop himself from banging other horses…allegedly.” I add an eye roll for good measure.
She snorts out a laugh. “That was seriously the worst analogy.”
“Sorry, that’s the best one I could come up with on such short notice.” I lick my fingers. “I’m going to take some time for myself. I’m always in a relationship, and this will be good, being single for a while and focusing on me and what I want.”
Eliza nods along. “I think that’s a great idea.”
“I’ve always had a boyfriend.” I hate admitting it, but I usually waste no time going from one to another if I break up with someone or he breaks things off with me. Relationship jumper—isn’t that what it’s called?
Yeah…that’s me.
Embarrassing but true. I love being in relationships. The problem is, they’re typically with immature, emotionally stunted guys who haven’t grown up yet and don’t know what they want. Spoiled guys with egos. Popular, good-looking men who women hit on and who people always want to chat up, causing them to seek attention in every which direction.
That’s been my type, and it hasn’t been working.
Something has to change, and that something is me.