She had been more tired in the past couple of days, but she’d been careful not to worry Ryan. He’d worked so hard to make each day special for her.
If possible, she had fallen more deeply in love with him than ever before.
Tonight was the dinner with his friends and his mother, but even that couldn’t dim her excitement or her happiness. And maybe that had been his plan all along. To take extra measures to make sure she knew that he supported her against any possible animosity or disdain.
It had certainly worked, because she couldn’t imagine anything they could do or say that would make the cloud she walked on evaporate.
Ryan cared about her. He wanted to marry her. What else mattered?
She hugged that thought to her later as she picked through her clothing, trying to find the perfect outfit to wear to the dinner.
Before, it wouldn’t even occur to her that an outfit was too sexy or revealing. If it looked good on her, and if she knew Ryan would like it, that was her only criteria.
But now she worried that with the sentiment already being that she was a…slut…she would merely perpetuate that belief if she wore anything that wasn’t ultraconservative. And that pissed her off. She shouldn’t care what these people thought of her. But it wasn’t that easy. They were important to Ryan and Ryan was important to her.
Warm hands suddenly stole over her body, sliding around to her belly. She was drawn into a hard chest and sensual lips nibbled at her neck.
She sighed and relaxed into Ryan, her pulse speeding up.
“Is there a particular reason you’re standing in your closet staring at your clothes?” he murmured against her ear.
She turned and laced her arms around his neck as she rose up on tiptoe to kiss him. “You’re home early.”
“Couldn’t wait to see you. So what’s with the closet?”
Her lips twisted into a frown and she let out a disgruntled sigh. “Just trying to find something to wear tonight. Something that doesn’t make me look like the tramp they think I am.”
Ryan’s expression gentled and he trailed a finger over her cheekbone. Taking her arms, he backed out of her closet and toward the bed until the back of his legs bumped against the mattress.
He sat down and pulled her down with him.
“You’ll look beautiful no matter what you wear. Stop worrying so much.”
“I know. It’s silly. I can’t help it. I’m nervous.”
“I don’t want you to worry, Kell. The past is in the past. I don’t know that I’ve ever said the words, but I forgive you. And if I can forgive you then they should be able to do the same.”
She went completely still. Pain jolted through her chest as if someone had stabbed her. Not that she knew what it felt like but it couldn’t be worse than this.
He forgave her.
For something she’d never done. For something he refused to believe she hadn’t done.
It took all the strength she possessed not to react, not to lash out. He hadn’t said it to hurt her. but he couldn’t possibly imagine how much she was bleeding inside right now.
He was trying to do the generous thing. He was trying to make her feel at ease.
He kissed her gently on the brow. “We both made mistakes. I’m not blameless. The important thing is that we never let what happened in the past happen again.”
Numbly she nodded. She didn’t trust herself to speak. What could she say?
She closed her eyes and leaned into him. He hugged her to him and rubbed his hand up and down her back. He offered comfort. He thought she was worked up about tonight. How could he possibly know that his “forgiveness” made her want to die?
He eased her to the side until she was perched on the edge of the bed and then he stood and walked into the closet. After a moment, he returned with a gorgeous, midnight-blue dress. He held it up and smiled.
“This one would look fantastic on you.”
She struggled to collect her shattered senses and pretend that nothing was wrong.
“It’s awfully…clingy,” she said. “I’d look eleven months’ pregnant in it.”
“I love your belly,” he said in an ultrasexy voice that sent shivers down her spine. “I love that this shows the world you’re pregnant with my baby. You’ll look gorgeous. Wear it for me.”
There wasn’t a woman alive who could refuse a request like that. She nodded silently, her heart aching all the while.
He laid the dress carefully on the bed and then bent down to kiss her once more.
“I’ll leave you to get ready. The driver will be here for us in an hour.”
She clung to him a little longer than was necessary but he didn’t seem to mind. He touched her cheek as he pulled away and then walked toward the bathroom, loosening his tie as he went.
She stared at the dress. It was a fabulous creation. And it would definitely highlight her pregnancy, something Ryan seemed very keen on.
She closed her eyes. He forgave her. She wanted to weep.
It should be her who had to offer forgiveness. Not him.
Fifteen
Kelly swallowed her mounting dread as she and Ryan entered the restaurant. Ryan spoke in low tones to the maître d’ and then they were ushered to a table in the back.
Ryan broke into a broad smile when he saw Rafael already seated next to a woman Kelly assumed was his wife, Bryony. Ryan’s mother was also seated, as were Devon and Cameron. Just great. They were last to arrive, and so they made an “entrance.”
Kelly stood by Ryan’s side as he greeted everyone, then said, “Of course, you all remember Kelly. Except for you, Bryony.”
He turned to Kelly. “Kelly, this is Bryony de Luca, Rafael’s wife. Bryony, this is my fiancée, Kelly Christian.”
The room went absolutely silent at his declaration. The expressions ranged from his mother’s ill-disguised horror to outright disbelief on his friends’ faces.
Even Bryony looked skeptical as she rose to extend her hand to Kelly. It was then that Kelly noticed that Bryony appeared every bit as pregnant as Kelly was.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Bryony said with what looked to be a forced smile.
Hell, how much could Bryony possibly know about Kelly anyway? It wasn’t as if she’d been around for that long. But she, like the others, didn’t appear to roll out the welcome mat.
Kelly offered a nervous smile and allowed Ryan to seat her. This was going to be a long night.
“How are you, Kelly?” Devon asked politely.
He was seated next to her and she supposed common courtesy dictated his question.
“I’m good,” she replied in a low voice. “Nervous.”
He seemed surprised by her honesty.
Ryan conversed with his friends and his mother. Kelly sat quietly beside him and watched the goings-on around her. No one tried to include her in conversation and the one time she offered a comment, the awkward silence that ensued told her all she needed to know.
They were tolerating her for Ryan’s sake, but she didn’t miss the looks they cast in his direction when they thought she wasn’t watching. Looks that plainly said, Are you crazy?
By the time the food was served, she was extremely grateful to have something to focus on. She felt out of place. She felt conspicuous. This was going down as one of the worst nights of her life and she was counting the minutes until she and Ryan could make their escape.
The food felt dry in her mouth. Her stomach churned and after only a few bites, she gave up trying to force herself to eat. Instead, she sipped at her water and pretended she was back on the beach with Ryan, about to dance underneath the moonlight.
That was her problem. She was living in a fantasy world, avoiding reality. And reality sucked. Her reality was sitting here at a dinner table while five other people judged her. Her reality was living with a man—a man she intended to marry—who felt he needed to forgive her for sins she hadn’t committed.
At what point in her life had she decided she didn
’t deserve better than this?
It was a startling discovery. The blinders had come off.