“Next week. Probably at the end of the week. They’ll be busy organizing his apartment. We’ll eat at Tony’s. You like it there. It’s nice and casual. We can leave at any time and there won’t be any obligation to stay and visit.”
She sighed. She had to hand it to him. He was working hard to make things as easy for her as possible. The least she could do is be accommodating. His friends were important to him. His mother was important to him.
“All right,” she said in a low voice. “Of course we can go.” She forced a smile. “It’ll be nice to see everyone again.” She nearly choked on the lie, but the relief in Ryan’s eyes made it worth it.
He reached for her hands. “We’re going to make it this time, Kell.”
She caught his fingers and returned his squeeze. “It makes me feel better to know you think so.”
“Do you have doubts?”
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. I’m scared witless. I’m scared to go out of your apartment,” she said honestly. “I don’t like the person I’ve become, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m a very different person than the Kelly you knew. I’m more cautious now. I’m…harder. I don’t like it about myself, but I’ve learned to be that way out of necessity.”
He took her hand in both of his and propped his elbows on the table as he stared over at her.
“Marry me.”
She jerked her hand back in shock and stared at him. “What?” Where the hell had that come from?
“Marry me.”
He withdrew one hand and then reached into his pocket to pull out a small ring box. With his thumb, he flipped it open and she saw a stunning diamond ring nestled in velvet.
He held it out to her and she lifted her gaze to stare at him as if he’d lost his mind.
“I couldn’t decide whether or not to give you back your old one or buy you a new one. I kept the old ring. I kept it with me the entire time you were gone. But then I decided that we deserve a fresh start. So I bought a new one for a new beginning.”
Her hand trembled in his and she stared speechlessly at him.
He ruefully shook his head. “I know it’s not the most romantic proposal. It’s not even under the best circumstances. I’d intended to wait. Until it was the right time. Until we’d sorted out things between us. But I couldn’t wait any longer. And when my friends and family see you again, I want them to know that we’re together, that you’re the woman I’m going to marry and that you have my support.”
Tears filled her eyes and her chest ached with emotion. He made no move to take the ring out of the box and put it on her finger for her. He simply held it in the palm of his hand, waiting for her to make the decision.
“But Ryan,” she began helplessly. “There’s so much… The past…”
“Shh,” he murmured. “I know what you’re saying. We have a lot to talk about. We have a lot to work out. But I wanted to do this first so that you know that no matter what comes out when we eventually revisit the past that I still want to marry you. I need you to know that. Maybe it’ll help. Maybe it’ll make it easier knowing that it won’t change things between us now.”
She wiped furiously at the moisture on her cheeks, determined not to ruin the moment by breaking down. “In that case, yes. I’ll marry you.”
He looked thunderstruck, like maybe he really hadn’t expected her to agree. And then he smiled and such joy flashed across his face that it left her breathless. His eyes lit up and his grip on her hand tightened until her fingertips were bloodless.
He fumbled with the box, took the ring out. The hand he held hers with shook as he positioned her finger so he could slide the ring on.
Then he leaned across the table and kissed her. When he pulled away, he still held her hand and he suddenly stood, pulling her to her feet.
“Let’s go,” he said hoarsely. “Let’s go home where we can be alone. I just want to hold you away from everyone else.”
She went willingly into his arms and they walked past the other diners, uncaring of the stares they received. She never felt the cold, brisk air as they exited the restaurant and walked to the curb where Ryan’s car waited.
For once she felt warm on the inside. After feeling cold and alone for so long, sunshine rushed through her veins.
Fourteen
Kelly woke to find Ryan gone from bed. She rolled to check the clock on the nightstand and realized why she was alone. It was after nine and Ryan would have long since gone into the office.
When they’d returned from St. Angelo, Kelly had moved into Ryan’s room. It wasn’t as though a big production had been made. He’d simply carried her luggage into his room. And when it was time for bed, he’d carried her to his bed.
And she’d stayed.
How easily they’d fallen back into a comfortable routine. Just like before.
Before, it had been easy to take for granted the rapport between them. The comfort and trust. She hadn’t known then as she knew now how quickly things could be broken.
Even now she questioned how it could have happened.
There was always an excuse, a reason. He hadn’t loved her enough. He hadn’t trusted her. Their relationship was too new to weather something so difficult.
But no matter the reason, the end result had been the same. When things had gotten difficult, their relationship had crumbled like stale bread.
It didn’t speak well for their future.
But she wouldn’t think of that right now. Sure, it was stupid of her to allow herself to have such faith in him. But hope was a powerful thing. It made a person willingly blind to the truth.
She kept telling herself maybe this time…
Maybe this time they would truly get things right. Even if it meant forever bearing the burden of having the man she loved think she’d betrayed him with another man. His brother.
So many times she wanted to confront him. She wanted to try again to make him listen to her. Make him hear the truth. But each time she bit her lip because what pu
rpose would it serve?
He might not believe her. He might. But would it change anything in the past? Would it change their future?
It wouldn’t even make her feel any better because she knew the truth. Ryan believed she’d lied to him but he wanted to forget and move on. Was she an idiot to want more than that? Was she stupid to want him to know how wrong he’d been?
It was a dilemma that plagued her every single day that she and Ryan were back together. Part of her wanted to make him listen and to demand that he accept that he’d been wrong if he expected her to give this whole thing another shot.
Another part of her told her that her pride and her anger were barriers to her own happiness.
Wasn’t a life with Ryan what she ultimately wanted? Did it matter how she achieved that goal?
She stared up at the ceiling as she lay in bed.
Yeah, it did. It really did. She couldn’t go through their life together knowing it was in the back of Ryan’s mind that she’d slept with someone else when she’d promised to be faithful to him.
She had to accept that what she really feared was that when she did confront Ryan, he’d reject her all over again, and if that happened, she knew she couldn’t spend her life with someone who didn’t trust her.
She was a coward, but it was the cold, hard truth that fear was what held her back. Not pride. Not anything else. She knew that if he didn’t believe her this time they could never be together.
Not wanting the weight of anxiety to bear down on her today, she shook the bleak thoughts from her mind and crawled out of bed. She padded into the living room to see that Ryan had turned the fire on for her.
To her further surprise, she found a breakfast tray waiting for her on the table with bagels, cheese and an assortment of fruit.
But what caught her eye was the tiny pair of yellow baby booties.
She picked up the soft, fuzzy little booties, her throat knotting as she read the accompanying card.
Because you said you didn’t have a pair yet. Love, Ryan.
She sank into the seat, her eyes stinging with tears. She held the booties to her cheek and then touched the card, tracing the scrawl of his signature.
“I shouldn’t love you this much,” she whispered. God, but she couldn’t help herself. She craved him. He was her other half. She didn’t feel whole without him.
And so began a courting ritual that tugged on her heartstrings.
Every morning when she crawled out of bed, there was a new present waiting for her from Ryan.
There was a baby book that outlined everything she could expect from birth through the first year of life. One morning he left her two outfits. One for a boy and one for a girl. Just in case, he had written.
On the fifth morning, he simply left her a note that told her a gift was waiting in the extra bedroom.
Excited, she hurried toward the bedroom she’d once occupied and threw open the door to see not one present but a room full of baby things.
A stroller. A crib that was already put together. A little bouncy thing. An assortment of toys. A changing table. She couldn’t take in all the stuff that was there. She didn’t even know what all of it was for.
How on earth had he managed to sneak this in without her hearing?
And there by the window was a rocking chair with a yellow afghan lying over the arm. She walked over and reverently touched the wood, giving the chair an experimental push.
It creaked once and then swayed gently back and forth.
Already her feet protested her being up, so she moved the blanket and sat, staring around at the room full of treasures for their child.