I finally remember that I can speak and smile as well. “Hi. Thanks.”
When I step inside, Helen closes the door behind me and walks back to her desk. “Have a seat.”
I swallow and do as she says.
But instead of waiting for her to bring it up like I’d decided before this meeting, I bring it up myself. “I just want to say…” I swallow and Helen’s eyes turn wary. “I’m not… I’m not going to say anything. So you don’t have anything to worry about. I didn’t know you were going to be there, at the spot, or I would’ve never —”
“I know.” She speaks over me. “I know that, Bronwyn. Of course, I know that you didn’t know. It’s not your fault that… you stumbled upon us. I’m so sorry you were put in that position. And he told me. Con said that you wouldn’t.”
Con.
How amazing it is that she gets to say his name with little to no thought. And how unfair that when I hear it, my body buzzes in secret.
My decorated body.
After he apologized to me about what happened in the library, like a sick fool, I wrote his name again. But not just on my thighs, I wrote his name on every hidden part of my body: my lower belly, my ribs, the valley between my breasts, around my ankles.
I wrote and wrote and wrote his name like a girl possessed. Maybe because I hadn’t in three days and so I was making up for all that lost time.
And I dreamed about him too.
Like I do almost every night, and I woke up all hot and throbbing between my legs.
But I can’t dwell on it right now. Not here.
Not in front of her.
Taking a deep breath, I nod. “I would never.”
Helen puts her hands on the desk and leans forward. “Thank you. For saying that. I really appreciate it. It’s just that… too much is at stake here. For me. And I’m not willing to risk it. And so I…” She sighs and looks me in the eyes. “Even though Con has assured me that the matter’s settled, I really want you to understand that you can’t say anything, Bronwyn. You can’t breathe a word of this to anyone. Not to your friends, or someone from back home. Promise me, please.”
I read the urgency in her tone, on her face, and lean forward myself. “I promise. Of course I promise. I would never do that to you.”
She studies my face for a few beats. “Good. That’s good. Because I could lose everything, Bronwyn. Everything. My marriage. My family. My reputation, and I… I consider you a friend. Even though you’re young, a lot younger than me, you’re one of my very best friends here at St. Mary’s. Other teachers don’t like me very much because I’m from Wuthering Garden. My family’s rich. But you understand these things. You’re my best student. So I just hope you understand how devastating it would be for me if you were to ever say something.”
My heart twists for her.
I’ve always felt that, back in Wuthering Garden. That I was an outsider.
When my classmates wouldn’t include me in things. When they would look at me like I was different just because I liked art. So I get her.
I totally get her and I vehemently say, “I won’t. Not in a million years. It’s not my place.”
She smiles with relief. “Thank you, Bronwyn. Truly. You have no idea how happy it makes me.”
And that’s when I make the decision.
To help her.
Them.
Somehow.
It’s laughable really. That I could do anything to help them, but maybe, just maybe I can and so they won’t have to hide like this. So they won’t have to sneak around.
He won’t have to.
Because I meant what I said to him yesterday: that if he’s doing this, if he’s having an affair, he won’t be happy. He can’t be. He’s not that kind of man.
“May I…” I begin hesitantly. “May I ask what happened? Between you two.” Her features turn wary again and I hasten to explain, “I don’t mean to pry. I just… I want to understand. I want to… I could see that you guys have a history. I could see that. You guys had something intense and heart-wrenching and if there’s a way I can help, I don’t know. I just… would like to.”
At the end of my broken explanation, she smiles almost indulgently, and my cheeks feel warm. She settles back in her chair and says, “I can see why you’d like to know. What you saw most likely confused you. I’m married and I was meeting this strange man who’s not my husband in secret. So you’re curious. I understand that.” She nods. “If I’m asking you to keep a secret, it’s only fair that I tell you all about it. So yes, I will.”