I never thought of that. I shrug. “I have no desire to. I mean, seriously. My life is as complicated as possible at the moment.”
“Yes,” he says slowly. “I’m sorry about your mother.”
As usual, whenever people bring her up, it feels like an ice pick to the heart. “Thank you.”
“Just be careful,” he says in a low voice, his eyes darting around as he finishes the rest of his drink. Pagliacci is beyond paranoid. “Especially with him.” He nods towards Wolf.
“Why?” I ask, my pulse picking up.
“Your relationship,” he says as he gets out of his seat.
“We don’t really have a relationship at the moment,” I admit. “When I said things were complicated, that’s what I meant.”
I don’t know why I’m telling him this. It’s not like he knows the details of our relationship, what happened, and why I’m still holding onto a grudge, albeit a fairly flimsy one at the moment.
“And you don’t want it more complicated,” he warns me, leaning across the bar. “You know that vampires who are created from humans aren’t able to reproduce.”
I swallow uneasily, my stomach twisting. “I’m aware of that.” In fact, it’s one of the things I’ve been grappling with lately. Had I stayed human, I could have had a child with Wolf. Now that I’m a vampire, turned from a human, I can’t. To put it mildly, those who are turned, like Solon was, are shooting blanks, or have barren wombs, etc. And even though I never thought kids were in the cards for me since I was perpetually single, it doesn’t mean my biological clock isn’t ticking, either.
Actually, I find myself lying awake in my room at night and thinking about what could have been. I gave that up when I became immortal and it hurts like hell, even though where Wolf and I are is still on rocky ground (and really only because I’m a stubborn bitch).
“But, since you’re different,” the vampire continues in a whisper, “then you don’t know for sure, do you? And if you have a child, I’m sure that child would be of great interest to vampires as a whole.”
That makes my blood go cold, colder than normal.
“I wouldn’t worry about it,” I tell him, trying to laugh it off. “I haven’t had sex for ages.” And by ages, I mean since I was covered in blood, recently reborn as a vampire on Solon’s bathroom floor. That was the last time I had sex with Wolf, since I discovered sex made him easier to forgive.
Even though I’m still hopelessly and forever in love with him.
“That might be true for now, but you’re going to be around for a while, Amethyst DeMille,” Pagliacci says to me, straightening up and rapping his knuckles on the bar top. “And you’re new to this all, and the company you keep? They aren’t so well-liked beyond these walls. Just, be careful, is all I’m saying. You’re a great bartender.”
Then he gives me another quick smile and walks off.
The fuck was that?
That’s when I notice Lenore walking toward me from the cigar lounge, looking beautiful in her red McQueen gown, her light hair gathered into an updo, ruby stones sparkling at her ears.
“Hey,” she says, then follows my eyes, looking over her shoulder at Pagliacci as he disappears into the dancing crowd in front of the stage. “You okay? That guy do something?”
I shake my head, blinking. “No. Not really. Just…who is he?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. Solon would. He’s always by himself, though. Peculiar vamp. Then again, they all are.” She frowns at me. “You sure you’re okay?”
I finally snap out of it. “He was giving me relationship advice.”
A female vampire at the end of the bar impatiently gestures for another dirty martini so I get started on making that.
“Oh?” Lenore says, her pitch rising. “And did you take any? Because you sure as hell aren’t listening to me.”
I roll my eyes, grabbing top shelf vodka this time. “There isn’t even a relationship to give advice about,” I remind her.
“I know,” she says. She sighs and stares down the club at Wolf. “That’s the problem. Amethyst, you know I love you. And you know I love a good grovel and I believe in making men work for things when they fuck up, and Wolf fucked up good but, come on. The man is hurting. He’s in love with you. You came back specifically for him, and now you’re just punishing him for no reason.”
“It’s not no reason,” I snap. Then I feel bad and give her an apologetic smile. Fuck, I feel bad about everything. “I’m sorry, babe. You’re probably right it’s just…I guess I’m scared. That’s all.”
“I get that,” she says, watching me as I make the drink. “But you’re obviously fated to be together and I know it feels like you have all the time in the world now, but one thing doesn’t change when you become a vampire and that’s the fact that you never know what tomorrow is going to bring.”