Unfortunately, they weren’t there for justice or vengeance. They were hoping to buy some Yillium, which happened to be the main component in the weapon the Monstrum Kindred had developed to fight the Darklings. They were running low on the precious stuff and without it, Earth was shortly going to be defenseless.
“I don’t like this fucking place any more than you do,” Bard growled to Rarev. “But until we can find a way to synthesize this Yillium stuff, we’ve got to track down any lead we can to get some.”
“Indeed, we are nearly at the end of our supply.” Rarev nodded regretfully. “Our defense of Earth, the day the gashes in the continuum opened onto the Darkling’s ‘verse, allowing them to attack the entire planet at once, severely depleted our stores.”
“Too bad you didn’t bring more with you before the gash in the continuum between your universe and ours closed,” Bard remarked.
“Ah yes, but how were we to know that an element so common in our own ‘verse was so rare in your own?” Rarev spread his hands, which looked remarkably normal other than the dense, velvety golden fur covering them. He did have claws, like the Earth animal he resembled, but they resided in sheathes at his knuckles and were usually covered by his tawny fur, leaving his fingers completely humanoid.
“I’m surprised you came on this mission yourself instead of sending a subordinate,” Bard said bluntly. “Shouldn’t you be hanging around Earth, waiting for your mind to align with a human female’s so you can start Dream-Sharing with her and call her as your bride?”
Rarev frowned—an expression that centered more in his golden eyes than his thin lips, the upper one of which was slightly split, like a cat’s.
“At the moment, I am much more concerned with protecting the brides we wish to call than finding a female of my own.” He gave Bard a measuring look. “For that matter, why has a member of the Kindred High Council come instead of sending one of your own subordinates? Why are you not home protecting your mate instead of trolling this filthy planet with me looking for Yillium?”
“Don’t have a mate,” Bard said gruffly. “Haven’t for twenty years.”
In fact, though he had been trying not to think of it, today was the twentieth year since his mate’s passing.
Maybe that’s why I volunteered to come on this mission, he thought to himself. To keep my mind off the anniversary of Rilla’s death.
“I am sorry for your loss,” Rarev said soberly.
Bard made a waving motion with one big hand.
“Forget it. It was years ago. Twenty years ago today, in fact,” he added and then wished that he hadn’t. Why the fuck had he told the other male it was the anniversary of his mate’s death?
“Some pains do not fade.” The Monstrum Commander’s voice was soft and serious. “Do you wish to speak of her passing?”
“Not really,” Bard said, frowning. And then added unwillingly, “It was a shuttlecraft crash. She was going back to visit her parents on Rageron—the Beast Kindred home world—to let them know she was pregnant.” He swallowed, his voice suddenly thick in his throat. “She…never got to tell them.”
Shit, he shouldn’t have said anything, he told himself. Rarev was right about one thing—some pains didn’t fade. Though the sharp, stabbing agony had finally eased after many years of mourning, the old ache and emptiness where his soul bond with Rilla had once been still throbbed at times, like a socket where a tooth has been pulled.
“I am surprised you survived her death,” Rarev said frankly. “I know with the Monstrum Kindred, if we lose a mate, we often die with her.”
“Believe me, I wanted to die,” Bard said grimly. “I was only twenty-five but I wanted to end everything then and there. Probably would have, too, if we’d been mated longer. But Rilla and I had only been together six solar months at the time of her death, and our soul bond wasn’t as strong as if we’d been together years and years. So…” He shrugged, holding out his large hands in a what can you do? gesture. “Here I still am, twenty years later.”
Rarev raised furry eyebrows at him.
“And you have never been mated again? Never longed to call another female as your bride?”
“Never,” Bard said with certainty.
He had never even looked at another female after Rilla died—it was as though his own sexual desire had died with her. He didn’t even visit the Puppet House where the Pairing Puppets stayed aboard the Mother Ship. The Puppets were semi-sentient android dolls which were meant to help relieve the sexual tensions of Unmated males. But Bard had no desire for them, or any other female, for that matter.
No one could ever replace Rilla.
“I see.” Rarev nodded gravely. “I respect your decision to keep the memory of your beloved mate holy, Brother. It is similar to my own vow never to call a bride myself.”