“Do you have any idea how hard that was for me?”
“You’ve always been my rock, Kinley. Even as I child, I always had you there. No matter what. And I knew that. I got sober for you. I took my medication for you. I got my life together for you. The day I realized that everything I was doing in my life was for you, I relapsed. That first drink was like being reunited with you. How sad, right? It was just a domino effect after that. I tried to take my meds, thinking they would still work, and I wouldn’t be a drunk if my mind was okay.” She paused, shaking her head. “I later learned that alcohol is a depressant, and for someone with my illness, it’s like lighting a match to gas.”
“I needed closure, Mom. It was just another thing you stole from me.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing. Finally, after all these years and everything I put you through... There’s so much I wish I could change in your life. So much I wish I’d done differently. I’ll never forgive myself for everything I put you through.”
“You have no idea what you put me through in the past ten years, especially in the past five. Your stunt that night cost me more than you’ll ever know.”
“I don’t know where it came from. I wish I could tell you what I was thinking, but I wasn’t thinking. I want you to know that I haven’t drank since that night.”
In a million years, did I ever expect for her to announce, “I went to rehab thanks to Christian.”
“What?” It was my turn to jerk back from the unexpected news.
“You didn’t tell her?”
He shook his head. “I didn’t want to get her hopes up.”
“What’s going on?” I asked, impatiently waiting for their answer.
“Your husband set up a placement for me at the rehab facility that’s owned by the hospital he was interning at.”
“Wow,” I breathed out, only looking at Christian. “You did that for her?”
He nodded. “I’d do anything for you. After I was able to set it up, I went to your mom’s hospital room and told her. That was the last I heard of her. I didn’t ask. I didn’t want to know.”
“That’s why you didn’t find me at my place, Kinley. I moved into the sobriety center and lived there for the next four years.”
“I had no idea.”
“Something changed in me that night. I didn’t want to be that woman anymore, that mother. She was so broken and lost, and I finally found peace within me. I went to rehab for me, Kinley. I wanted to do it on my own, really work through my issues. I had so much childhood trauma I never dealt with. I started drinking as a teenager to cope. It was a defense mechanism. I’m still in therapy, and I have the same sponsor that I did when you were in my life. I go to AA every night, and I make sure to take my medication like clockwork. I’ve worked my steps for years, and now is finally the day that I want to make amends with you.” She looked back and forth between Christian and me. “With both of you.”
Unable to hold it in, I confessed, “That wreck you caused damaged my fallopian tubes. The doctor told us that I may never be able to conceive. We spent the past five years desperately trying for a baby. Only to wind up pregnant the day of our divorce.”
“Divorce?” She narrowed her eyes at me. “Oh my God! You guys are divorced?”
“No, your daughter came to her senses.” Christian rubbed my stomach. “But my boy here helped.”
I smiled, despite myself.
“I’m so sorry for what I must have put you guys through. Being a parent has truly saved my life. Kinley, you’re the only thing I’ve done right, and I will always regret the years I’ve wasted, but I’ve learned to accept them and forgive myself. I’m here today, praying that you will give me a chance and let me prove to both of you how much I’ve changed. I’m not that woman anymore. I don’t want to be that woman ever again.”
I didn’t know what to say, and it was obvious that Christian didn’t either. Both of us were silent, trying to figure out what the right answer was. I wanted to believe her. However, this wasn’t just my life anymore. We had a son on the way, and I had to protect him.
Even if it was…
Against my own mother.
—Christian—
“Trust me, it kills me inside, and I spent years trying to kill myself at the bottom of a liquor bottle, when I should have been taking care of you. Instead of you trying to take care of me.” She beamed, her whole face lighting up. “I know. You saved me, Kinley. More times than I even remember. You and Christian. I will forever be grateful to you for what you did for me. I don’t think I’d be here today if it weren’t for you, Christian. You truly saved my life.”