He shakes his head as he gives me a pointed look. “With no prior warning you declared that we were done. We both know that came out of left field—it was the day before I left for Italy and you’d spent the morning helping me pack. We had planned when we’d be able to talk each day. We were fine—right up until the moment you told me we’d run our course and that you didn’t want to see me again.”
The memory of the shocked look on his face and the conversation that followed make my stomach churn. “That was honest.”
“It was bullshit and you know it. Instead of telling me what was really going on so that I could explain, you fucking lied to me.”
I cock my head in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“What I mean is that you caught me off guard, which meant I wasn’t thinking straight. I was halfway to Italy the following day when it hit me. You overheard me on the phone with Garrett, didn’t you?”
Well, hell. Busted.
My mind is running a million miles an hour, but I feel like going over this with him is counterproductive since it won’t change anything. Therefore, I shrug like hearing what he said to Garrett was no big deal. “It just confirmed what I’d been thinking about your outlook on our relationship,” I say evenly.
That’s a lie. The reality was that I’d been stunned. We hadn’t been together for long, but I’d been certain we had a future together. All that changed when I walked past his office on my way out to his deck when I overheard him talking to Garrett on the phone. I hadn’t been able to hear exactly what Garrett’s side of the conversation was, but it was clear it had been something about Mason’s relationship with me. I was able to work that out because of what Mason had said, which had staggered me.
“I’m so fucking sorry, angel,” he says, drawing my attention back to the present. “That wasn’t my outlook on our relationship and I hate that you heard that. When Garrett asked if I was changing my ways, I threw some bullshit his way because I didn’t want to talk about it with him before I discussed it with you. We hadn’t been together long, and we hadn’t spoken about what each of us envisioned for our future. Before I ran my mouth with my friends, I wanted to talk to you. When I said I couldn’t imagine being a long-term kind of guy, that was just me blowing him off. The thing is, that was true before I met you, but it wasn’t true after.”
The intensity in his eyes hits me square in the feels, and I feel like I’m about to come out of my skin. Only sheer force of will keeps me from standing up in order to pace.
“I should’ve told you that I was anxious about the fact that you and I would be separated during the shoot. I’d never been in a relationship before, and I damn sure never lost any sleep over being separated from someone for months at a time. That wasn’t the case with you and, honestly, my head was spinning like a fucking top. I hated the idea of going away for work, and it wasn’t like you could drop everything and come to Italy with me. When you casually announced that you thought we shouldn’t see each other anymore, I was so stunned I didn’t know what the fuck to say or do.”
I understand his point—the entire day had been a blur to me. I can’t overstate just how stupid I felt when I’d overheard him talking to Garrett. I’ve spent the last few months mentally berating myself for being foolish enough to catch real feelings for someone who was only dipping a toe into dating.
“Things didn’t add up, but you were so insistent on having a clean break that I started believing you meant it,” he continues. “Once I got my head out of my ass, I realized the reason it all came out of left field was that you hadn’t been planning to do that. If you hadn’t heard that bullshit, we’d still be together, wouldn’t we?”
He stares at me expectantly, and I know he needs me to confirm or deny his theory. Taking a deep breath, I weigh my answer. Either I can blow the question off or I can tell the truth. The question is, can I trust him enough to let down my guard again?
4
“You’re right,” I concede. “The decision to break things off was made after I heard you on the phone with Garrett.”
The look of extreme relief on his face warms my heart. I’m afraid to hope for anything good here, but knowing that he cared enough to think things out is a balm for my soul. I hated feeling disposable.