“Why is anyone attracted to anyone? Just the way it worked. You’re straight forward, funny, protective, and sweet when you want to be. I thought we were on the track for greatness until we weren’t.”
“Because I slipped up once?”
I sigh. “It was never about her. I get they want to get a foothold in any way possible. I expect that shit from them. You were the one I trusted. I don’t do that with men. When I saw that picture, it re-affirmed for me, that men can’t be trusted.”
“And now?” he asks.
“The jury is still out,” I say not willing to make myself completely vulnerable to him yet.
“You ever going to get over it?”
I frown. “You’re asking me that like we aren’t always fighting.”
“We fuck too,” he says.
“And it’s great, but not enough to make a happy life together or a healthy environment for a child to live in.”
“I’m trying. You get more than any bitch ever has from me,” he admits.
“And I should feel honored? Should I thank you for not acting like an asshole to me?”
“Don’t be a bitch, Ruthie.”
I roll my eyes. “You seem to bring that out in me.”
He sighs. “I thought we agreed no secrets.”
“I didn’t realize my bank account number was something I needed to announce. You want me to whip my clit out now, so you can measure it against your penis? I promise you, you’ll win.”
“That fucking mouth—”
“Is one of the things you used to love about me until you got this chip on your shoulder. What happened? You went from being one of the most chill people I knew to a damn tyrant.”
“I explained why—”
“No, you’re hiding behind that. Yes, I have plenty to learn, but I’m not stupid. I learn fast and there are ways to tell me without forcing me to lay down on my belly like a she wolf to show you my submission.”
“You like it when you submit.”
“When it’s of my own volition and because I want to…yes,” I admit.
“Look at Ms. Thesaurus using big words.” He sneers.
“There he is. Asshole extraordinaire.” I wave my hand at him.
“This is what’s going to keep you safe, girl. Don’t you understand that? You know damn well what the men in my family are capable of. You pushing my buttons. Nothing good is going to come of that.” He stalks over, sits on the side of my bed, and cups my face. “Don’t you understand I’m doing this for us? For me, you and the baby. We cannot end up like them. I won’t let that happen.”
“You never worried about this before while we were together. I don’t understand.”
“We were never a committed relationship or expecting a child,” he counters.
“You’re not a werewolf. You won’t turn into some sort of monster because of the sins of your father.” I grip his wrists. “Why can’t you see that?”
“I’ve spent my entire life struggling to not become my father. How can you expect me to stop that now, when I’m finally living the same life he did? It’s like a cancerous cell I have to keep a close eye on. I’m pre-disposed to it.”
His words break me open and I begin to bleed out slowly. This beautiful man fully believes himself capable of atrocities. “No, your paranoia and irrationality is twisting you all up and screwing with your head. I want to help you, but baby, I don’t know how. I think you need to see someone. And I’m speaking from a place of knowledge. I had to see a shrink when I was in my teens. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was unworthy.”
“Why would you ever think that?” he asks.