“Hi! How are you doing? To what do I owe this honor?”
Her eyes drifted past me to Jonathon and his sister, then back to me.
“Was going to see if you wanted to have lunch with me at Cord’s Place.”
“Umm…”
“I already asked Maggie if you had students coming, and she said there was only one class left and Carrie was teaching it.”
Damn Maggie. I was going to have to have a talk with her about letting people, even family, walk back to my office.
“I’ve got some paperwork to do.”
I could see the disappointment on her face.
“But sure, lunch sounds good.”
Reaching for my purse, I peeked out the window. Jonathon and Hope had left. My stomach dropped when I realized Jonathon hadn’t even come in to say hello. But I had no right to be disappointed when all I’d done for the past seven weeks was dismiss him. I followed my sister out of the dance studio and across the square to the other side.
“So, is that Irish place still planning on opening?” Amelia asked as we walked.
“Yep. There is a city council meeting tomorrow. I’m dying to watch Cord’s face when he realizes the girl he bumped into that night at the bar is the new owner. It sounds like it’s going to be more of a restaurant, but Tripp keeps feeding Cord stories about ‘an Irish Pub’ and how excited he is to have another bar on the square. He said Cord tells him to fuck off each time.”
We both laughed.
Amelia pulled open the door to Cord’s Place. “So, how have you been feeling?”
“Good. I’m feeling like my old self again,” I lied.
She stared, and I knew she could read right through it.
As we walked into the bar I noticed the place was empty except for our entire family sitting at a table. Stopping, I looked at Amelia.
“What’s going on?”
My mother stood and walked over to me with her hands out for mine.
“Waylynn, darling, we wanted to all be together as a family.”
I took a step back as I let my eyes drift across everyone. The only person who wasn’t sitting at the table was Jonathon.
“Why? What’s going on?” I asked, knowing damn well this was about me.
“Waylynn, you never were a good liar.”
I let out a gruff laugh. “Is that right?”
“You’re hurting and in pain. You need to talk about it, and if you won’t talk to Jonathon, you’re going to talk to your family.”
Swallowing hard, I faced Amelia. “You tricked me.”
“You’re putting off the pain, Waylynn, and we want to help you. You only went to the counselor a few times, and you need to get it out. It’s eating you up inside.”
“But tricking me into talking?”
“Waylynn…” Tripp started.
Putting my hand up to stop him from talking, I shook my head. “No. Y’all don’t get to decide when I talk about this. I can’t have kids and you all know that was my dream. What else is there to talk about?”
“What about Jonathon?” Cord asked.
I laughed and looked away. “He’ll come to his senses and see he’s better off with someone who can give him a family.”
“He wants you, Waylynn!” Amelia practically shouted.
Tears slipped from my eyes. “I can’t, Amelia. I’m not the person he fell in love with. I can’t give him the things he wants…the things we both wanted so badly.” I turned as a sob escaped my throat.
“Bullshit!” Trevor said, standing and walking over to me. “All he wants is you. You can have kids together. Maybe not the traditional way you wanted, but you still can.”
My hand covered my mouth to muffle the sobs. “You don’t understand, Trevor.”
“Then tell me, goddammit. Explain it to me.”
I turned away and buried my face in my hands. My mother wrapped me in her arms and whispered, “Let it out, sweetheart. You have to let the anger and hurt out.”
Pulling away, I wiped the tears and glared at everyone.
“You want me to explain it to you? I can’t have fucking kids, Trevor!” Pointing to the entire table, I kept going, my voice void of any steadiness as I forced the words out. “All of you can sit there and tell me it’s okay, but it’s not okay!” I screamed.
“Oh my God, nothing about this is okay! I cannot have kids! Ever! I will never be able to see a baby bump growing, or feel a child move inside of me. Never have my husband lovingly put his hand over my stomach and talk to our child.”
Tears flowed now and I didn’t care. I was actually surprised I had any left. It gutted me to see the hurt on their faces. The pity. My brothers wiped tears away as my father wrapped his arm around my mother. They were hurting as well…but not nearly as much as I was.
“I’ll never experience what giving birth is like or the excitement of finding out I’m pregnant. It’s all…it’s all been taken away from me. So, don’t sit there and tell me I need to fucking move on! I don’t want to move on! I don’t want to sit here and watch all of you have what I can’t have.” I was crying so hard now I could hardly talk between sobs. “I don’t…want to watch…Jonathon…look…at other women’s bellies and wish…wish that was me.”