“I’m sorry,” I say, rising from the bed.
“No, you were on the right side, Sul.” He bridges the distance and we hug. “I need to stop using. I’ve stopped.”
“Good.” I part from him as guitar chords sound from another room. Tom must be practicing. I dig in my pocket and dangle out the turquoise, red, and blue friendship bracelet. “For you. I made it in Yellowstone. I thought about giving it to you if this day ever came. And I honestly thought it might take years, but I’m happy to say, it didn’t.”
He holds out his wrist, his lips rising. “Me too. And I thought about giving you my friendship fries if this day ever came, but Eliot just ate the last bag I’d been saving.”
Beckett used to always share his fries with me. It’s always been his favorite mid-day snack. And so we used to call them Friendship Fries.
I smile big and tie the threads of the bracelet around his wrist. “I’ll just take some imaginary friendship fries.”
Once I finish the knot, Beckett asks, “What do you need to tell me?” He smiles more. “I want to hear it all. I feel like I’ve missed decades of your life.”
It kinda fucking feels like that for me too. I don’t know how to do this, so we both sit cross-legged on his bed, and I just start from the beginning. The funhouse where I told Banks and Akara that it’d be cool if they took my virginity. The motel where Banks kissed me. Then the morning run where Akara kissed me too.
I talk about how we’ve been dating. Bachelorette style. How they make me feel. Our easy banter, even when we’re all together. How scared I was to lose them in the cougar attack.
How they’re so different, but I like that they’re different and not the same. And every day with them just makes inexplicable sense.
I leave out the other sexual moments. Just for now.
He listens.
He’s always been really good at listening.
We move down to the floor and bring in snacks as I continue talking. My throat grows scratchy, but it’s like everything just flows forth. I only stop when I reach the wedding.
“And we agreed,” I say. “That today I’d make a decision.” I circle my thumb on the soda can rim. “I think I’ve come to one. But first, I wanted to hear how stupid you think I am—”
He smiles. “Why would I think you’re stupid?”
“Because I decided to become the fucking bachelorette to two bodyguards!”
“To me, and this is just my opinion”—he puts his hands on his chest—“it sounds more like you were in a polyamorous relationship.”
I frown. “A what?”
He scratches the back of his head. “How to explain this…?” He takes out a green M&M. “This is you.” He sets a blue M&M beside it. “This is Banks.”
“That’s his favorite color,” I note.
He smiles a little as he chooses an orange one next.
“It should be red,” I say quickly. “Akara’s favorite color is red.” Well, candy apple red. But I don’t go into that much detail.
Beckett glances at the friendship bracelet I made, the same colors I listed, and we both laugh hard. He shakes his head, “You’re so in love.”
He says it like a disease.
“You want to cure me?” I ask him, tossing the green M&M in my mouth. Fuck, I’m cheating on my vegan streak just this once.
“No. You’re too far gone.” He smiles, replacing the green M&M. “Stop eating yourself.”
“But it’s so much fun.” I swig my soda, a pit of anticipation forming in my stomach. “You can keep going.”
“Okay, Akara is red.” He puts the red M&M at a diagonal to my green. With the blue M&M, they resemble a little triangle of candy. “There can be all different kinds of poly relationships. You can have partners that have other partners.” He moves a yellow and orange M&M next to Akara’s red.
I’m immediately shaking my head.
He laughs. “This is a demonstration.”
“I don’t even want to imagine it.”
He brushes away those extra M&M’s. “Or you can have a closed relationship. Where however many multiple partners you have, they’re only romantically connected to each other. It sounds like that’s what you, Banks, and Akara had in Yellowstone.”
“But we weren’t in a relationship. We were just casually dating.”
He tilts his head. “I casually date. And I would never talk about my dates how you talk about Akara and Banks—but you can use whatever labels you want, Sul.”
“I am interested in these labels though.” I point to the three M&M’s. “What is this fucking called?”
“A triad.” He crisscrosses his legs on the floor.
“Even if we didn’t do anything sexually, the three of us would still be a triad?”
“Yeah. It’s not about sex,” Beckett says. “You can be in a relationship and be a virgin your whole life. People tend to only think about relationships with what they know, and it’s bullshit, Sul. Two people, three people, ten people—if you can make it work, and it’s consensual and loving, why would that be wrong?”