When I glance at her now, I can’t help feeling resentful for that. She can sense my weakness for her. That’s the only logical explanation for her showing up in my room that night. A problem I have since resolved by keeping my door locked at all times.
I told Gwen it was a mistake, and at the time, I meant it. I was angry that she’d tempted me and even more irritable with myself for caving in, but distance has done nothing to dispel the increasingly alarming thoughts in my mind. My unreasonable conscience insists it wouldn’t matter if it happens again. We’ve already crossed a line. What would one more time hurt? Maybe a few more times? I keep trying to convince myself I would still have control, but I know that’s a lie.
When I look at her, I can still taste her skin. I can still smell the sweet scent of her arousal coating my fingers, and no matter how much I try, I can’t purge the image of her tipping her head back and shuddering beneath me.
Fuck.
She glances up at me with a pinched expression. I’ve been staring at her for way too long. It’s moments like this that remind me I can be so goddamned awkward sometimes. Natalia always handles it smoothly, just like she handles Nino. She knows what to do in every situation, and she stands her ground when she believes she’s right. I can respect her for that, but there’s a part of me that hates her, too. A part who wishes I’d never hired her, because right now, she’s complicating the hell out of my life.
We eat our breakfast in silence, and Nino says goodbye before she starts to usher him out of the dining room to get ready for school. I stop her.
“I’m taking him today. When I get back, I’d like to meet with you in my office.”
Her lips press together, but she dips her head and goes on her way.
I spend some time talking to Nino while Manuel drives us to school. Since I’ve been away most of the week, I wanted to make an effort like Natalia said I should, especially since he’s been more receptive to it. He tells me about some of his classes and then asks if we can go out on the boat again soon. I consider it, aware that I have a contract this weekend, and Gwen has plans for some bullshit gala at IVI next Saturday that I’m supposed to attend. Marianna will be there, and she’ll be expecting me even though I didn’t agree to appear together. If I don’t, Gwen will be breathing down my neck again, like she has been all week. I never should have told her I’d consider it in the first place. She caught me when I was tired and irritable, and she took advantage of that the way Gwen has the tendency to do.
I tell Nino we can go out on the boat next Sunday, and his excitement erases my frustrations over the gala. Once we’ve dropped him off, Manuel glances at me in the mirror.
“Just a heads up, sir. The security cameras have been acting up again. I had to reset them.”
“Well, that’s fucking annoying,” I mutter.
He gives me an odd look. Manuel knows I take security at the house seriously, but he doesn’t know I’ve been using the cameras to watch Natalia’s movements like a goddamned fiend. This week, I’ve barely had time to breathe, let alone check up on her. I know from previous experience that we lose all the recently saved footage when Manuel resets the cameras. Typically, I would have already reviewed anything of importance before then, as it’s Manuel’s job to inform me, but there’s been nothing of note. So, to him, my response is likely a little strange and more revealing than I care to admit.
He doesn’t mention it again for the remainder of the drive, and neither do I. When we get back to the house, I find Natalia sitting outside, watching the lake ripple under the morning sky. For a second, I just stand there, observing her, hoping she won’t notice me. She must feel my gaze on her because she turns, and if I didn’t know any better, it looks like she’s dreading this meeting.
I told her we’d talk in my office, but now that I’m here, I decide this might be a better setting. She sits up straighter as I approach her and take a seat in the Adirondack chair across from her.
“Is there an issue we need to discuss, Natalia?”
Her face pales, and her reaction catches me off guard. At first, I think maybe she’s not feeling well, but when she wrings her hands together in her lap, I realize she’s nervous. I often forget that people say I’m intimidating, so I suspect that might be the reason, but Natalia’s never allowed that to bother her before.