Although she was surprised that he should confide so much in someone who was virtually a stranger, Genista smiled sympathetically.
‘Do you live locally?’ Trevor asked her, over his shoulder as he walked into the ‘office’.
‘Not far away,’ Genista replied, filling in the form he gave her. He looked at what she had written and whistled silently. ‘You’re married to Luke?’
He sounded so surprised that Genista flushed defensively.
‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ Trevor apologised instantly. ‘I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just that I know Luke fairly well and he never mentioned…that is….’
‘They fell in love and were married almost straight away.’ Lucy told him, materialising beside them. ‘I think it’s jolly romantic!’
They exchanged smiles over her head at the schoolgirlish slang. Oh, to be Lucy’s age again, Genista thought silently, when life could be viewed so easily at face value.
‘Well, I think I’d better give you a fairly placid mount for your first day out,’ Trevor was saying. ‘I don’t want Luke accusing me of not taking proper care of you. He helped me a good deal with the finance for this venture,’ he added to Genista when Lucy had been taken away by Belinda to choose her mount. ‘A lot of people tend to think of him as a bit of an ogre—his reputation as a big businessman, I suppose. It gives the impression of ruthlessness, but of course Luke isn’t like that at all. He’s been marvellous to me, and the only condition he’s made is that I teach the kids from the local handicapped school to ride, twice a week—something which is a pleasure anyway. To see the way those kids enjoy themselves, the freedom riding brings them…’
He talked about his work with the children while he harnessed the gentle mare he had chosen for Genista. She was still trying to come to terms with Luke in this new role as benefactor!
‘Of course, Luke hates anyone talking about his generosity,’ Trevor added as he helped her into the saddle. ‘But then I suppose you already know that. He’s a very complex character. I should hate to get on the wrong side of him, although one feels that he would always be scrupulously fair, unless of course his emotions were involved.’ He looked thoughtfully at Genista, now seated on the back of the pretty bay mare. ‘They say that still waters run deep and I imagine Luke’s run deeper than most, but then you look as though you have the courage to cope with anything life might hold for you.’
Had she? Genista mused as she and Lucy cantered past a herd of chomping cows. It was something she had never given much thought to in the past. She would need a great deal of courage if she was to survive her time with Luke and emerge unscathed from the agony their eventual parting would cause her.
It was lunchtime before she and Lucy returned to the house. Mrs Meadows had left a cold meal for them, and over it, Lucy giggled that she rather suspected Trevor had fancied Genista.
‘I suspect he’s the same with all women,’ Genista told her dryly. ‘He’s certainly something of a charmer.’
‘Umm—I think Belinda’s in love with him,’ Lucy told her, surprising Genista with her perception. ‘She looks at him the same way Uncle Luke looks at you—sort of hungry.’
Genista could have told her that there was more than one type of hunger, but she had no wish to disillusion her. Instead she reminded her that she had promised to show her round the gardens. She had no idea what Luke normally did in the evening. There was a huge freezer in the kitchen and preparing dinner would be no problem. She removed some steak, deciding that steak and salad with pâté for a first course, and fresh fruit afterwards, was the sort of thing that appealed to most tastes.
They walked round the formal gardens first. Half way round Genista suddenly felt very dizzy and had to sit down on the wooden bench conveniently to hand. The dizziness was followed by a bout of the same nausea she had experienced that morning, and she began to wonder if she could possibly have eaten something that disagreed with her.
Lucy watched her anxiously for a few minutes, but when she asked if Genista would prefer to go back to the house Genista shook her head.
If she went up to her room she would only lie there thinking about Luke, imagining how it could have been had he cared for her; had he felt love for her and not merely lust. The mere thought of his lovemaking made her tremble inwardly. Whatever happened she must never again allow herself to be trapped in a situation where she was so vulnerable to him. He had told her he was marrying her to satiate his desire, but that had been before; before he knew how inexperienced she was, and now that desire seemed to have waned completely, and he must surely be regretting their marriage. By the time they had reached the lake Genista wa
s quite convinced that had it not been for his pride and the fact that Lucy was visiting them, he would have suggested they apply for a divorce the moment they returned from Cumbria. After all, despite his earlier comments he had made no attempt to so much as touch her since their return.
Telling herself that she ought to be feeling relief, not an emotion which was perilously close to disappointment, she allowed Lucy to point out to her an old-fashioned punt secured by a small landing stage.
‘I wanted to try it last year, but Luke says he doesn’t think it would be safe. He wants to drain the lake and have it cleaned. He says it’s feet deep in mud, and that the punt could quite easily sink.’
Looking into the still, murky water, Genista was inclined to agree with him, although like Lucy she could not quite ignore the age-old appeal of studying the bracken depths looking for some signs of life.
‘Luke wants to stock it with koi carp,’ Lucy told her. ‘They get so tame that you can feed them by hand.’
‘I know,’ Genista agreed, remembering a holiday in Italy at a villa where one of the highlights of her day had been feeding the beautifully coloured carp in their marble pool.
‘Do you think my parents will stay together this time?’ Lucy asked abruptly.
‘I don’t know, Lucy.’ Genista tried to be as gentle as she could. ‘Life doesn’t come with guarantees, although I know that’s sometimes hard to accept. Try to tell yourself that it’s enough that they care sufficiently for one another to try again. I think they’re both very brave.’
‘Or foolish,’ Lucy suggested in a slightly muffled voice. ‘Genista, how do you know when love is real?’
‘It’s something I can’t explain.’ It was getting towards late afternoon, and Genista knew that she should suggest that they return to the house, but it had obviously cost Lucy a great deal to confide in her, and she couldn’t turn her away without at least trying to reassure her. ‘First you have to try and differentiate between “real” and “for ever.” When we fall in love, we take it for granted that that love will last for ever—sometimes it doesn’t. That doesn’t mean that we’ve failed, or that it’s someone’s fault. Life and people can’t remain static all the time; things change. One of the hardest things for anyone to learn is the acceptance that happiness doesn’t always last for ever.’
‘But knowing that, how can anyone commit their lives to another person?’ The anguish in Lucy’s eyes struck a chord deep within her own heart. How indeed? she could have said, but instead she reached for Lucy’s hand, tanned, and faintly grubby, but already showing signs of the beauty the girl would one day possess.
‘Quite easily. I can’t find the words to explain to you how it happens Lucy. I do understand how you feel; when I was not very much older than you something happened to me that made me feel as though I could never trust anyone else again as long as I lived—and certainly never love them.’ Engrossed in trying to reassure Lucy, Genista didn’t hear the faint sounds betraying the fact that they were no longer alone. ‘But I did, and when you love you’re willing to risk all the uncertainties in the world. That’s something which is inherent in every human being. You wait and see. Love, true, proper love, does cast out all fear, which is what we’re talking about, isn’t it? The fear of something going wrong; of being hurt. When I fell in love with…’ A twig snapped underfoot, and Genista spun round. Luke was leaning against a tree trunk several yards away. His face had gone white.