“All right, I’m heading to bed and so should you, kiddo. But I’m glad you’re safe.” She pulls me in for a hug and places a quick kiss on my head. I squeeze back before we part ways.
As I go through my nightly routine, I debate whether to tell my friends about my past. They really do deserve to know, especially after today. The main thing holding me back is that I don’t think something this heavy should be written down or texted. My parents deserve my words. The issue is, I know I’m not strong enough yet. I’ll get there, though.
Me: Thank you for being strong for me today. I’m sorry I’m such a hot mess. I didn’t mean to worry you.
Adam: You’re one of us, this is what we do. We care about you, babe.
Alice: Of course.
Abby: We love you, Charlie, don’t doubt that.
Cole: I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else.
Trent: We’ve got your back ;)
Me: I love you guys, too. And I don’t say that lightly. I promise I’ll tell you soon, I’m working on it.
Adam: I promise we’ll be here for you regardless. You tell us when and if you’re ready. Just please come to us next time.
Me: I will, I’m just broken and didn’t want to bring anyone down.
Abby: We hold each other’s broken pieces together. It’s our thing.
Cole: You aren’t broken, just healing. And you aren’t alone.
Trent: Get some rest, sweet girl. We’ll be here for you when you’re ready.
I can’t help but smile at the responses. My friends are seriously the best. I’ll probably always struggle with not pushing people away because I fear being left behind. This group of amazing and understanding people make me want to fight these feelings. They make me want to live again.
As I settle into bed for the night my thoughts drift to Cole. I loved being able to see a new side to him. The silly side he shows to his family makes me like him even more. The way he held me when he found me in that park solidified his place in my heart. He didn’t even protest when I crawled back into his lap. He makes me feel less broken.
Then it drifts to Adam; the hug he gave me was a straight reaction. His protective side called to me, a feeling of safety overcoming anytime he’s near.
Then there’s Trent. I like him, though it’s not as strong yet, but he always makes me smile. And he doesn’t hesitate to be there anytime any of us need him.
Abby is the one I have the hardest time wrapping my head around. She’s so bubbly and perfect and I’m the opposite. I can practically see the cloud of doom over my head and she’s like a ray of sunshine. But she clearly likes me, and I like her back. That much I know.
They’re slowly starting to fill that hole that had carved its way into my chest. It’s a foreign feeling now and I’m unsure how to handle it, but I don’t want it to stop.
Maybe I won’t be broken forever, after all.
By the next afternoon, I start getting nervous. The house is always clean so there’s not much for me to do and I’m too antsy to just sit here.
‘I’m going for a quick walk,’ I text Sophia and she pokes her head out of her hall
way to laugh at me.
“Nervous?” Her grin is full of teasing and I give a fake glare. “Just keep your phone on you.” With that, she disappears again. She was talking about a big case coming up earlier, so I’m sure she’ll be MIA until tonight.
The moment I step out into the crisp, fall air, I let out a sigh. No destination in mind other than getting rid of this restless energy, I start down the street. I’ve always walked toward town, so I make my way the opposite direction, past Cole’s house.
“Charlie!” Adam voice calls out and I glance at the street to see his truck pulling up to the curb. He looks worried, likely because of yesterday but I grin and walk over, giving him a smile. “What are you up to?”
I shrug in response and he clicks the unlock, so I climb in. Pulling out my phone, I text him my answer.
‘Walking off my extra energy. I was going crazy.’
“I’m off to the batting cages, want to come?” he asks, and the adorable hopeful smile on his face makes me melt. I nod and put on my seatbelt, sending a quick text to Sophia. “Mind if I turn my music up?” When I shake my head he turns it up, country music blaring through the speakers. I’m not even a little surprised, but I find myself not minding it.