I laughed as the horrible truth became clear. “You’ve been telling the truth the whole time. You’re doing all this for me. There’s some insane, sick part of you that thinks you’re doing the right thing.”
“Penny. I am doing the right thing. Maeve tried to kill you.”
“Years ago! And it didn’t work!” I gestured at him with one hand. I felt disgusting, bitter, and betrayed. Alice was a liar. I mourned her for so long, but she was a liar. Details of that night suddenly made a lot more sense, and I was disgusted with myself for not seeing the truth sooner.
I let her lie to me. She spied, even watched me having sex with Kaspar. I felt filthy and used.
“Maeve is going to pay for what she did. Everything I’ve done for the past few years has been leading me to this moment.” He came closer, rage flowing off him in waves. “I’m going to cut the head off that snake and parade her body around so everyone will know what happens when they try to hurt you.”
I stared at him and didn’t know what to say.
I felt bitter and exhausted.
Alice was a liar. She wanted to kill me. Kaspar knew and strangled her to death to save my life.
He let her watched us have sex. She wanted to watch.
Hell, she touched herself.
“Did she love me?” I asked softly.
“I’m not sure. I don’t know if she was capable of that.”
“Was everything a lie back then?”
“I wanted to tell you in a better way. I wanted to show you.”
I waved him off and stared at the rumpled bed. Just a short time ago, he gave me some of the best pleasure of my life.
Now it was ugly and wrong.
“Please get out. I need to think.”
He was quiet, assessing.
“Take the time you need, but I’m not stopping.”
“What’s the point? Will killing Maeve change anything? I know the truth now. I still won’t marry you.”
He grimaced and looked at his hands. The crazy bastard really thought it would change my mind.
Well, it didn’t.
“Finishing Maeve might not fix things between us, but she still deserves what I have coming for her. You don’t have to want it. I’m going to burn her to ashes.”
I shook my head. “Leave me alone then. Go be a big, scary man somewhere else. I’m so tired of all these games.”
He gave me one last look, then his face hardened, and he left. The door shut behind him and I collapsed onto the bed.
Sobs racked my chest.
I cried for Alice. For poor, stupid, lying Alice.
I cried for myself. I never hurt anyone, and yet people still wanted to hurt me. All because of who I was.
Because of the world I was born into.
I sobbed for my sister. God, I missed Livvie so much.
I sobbed for Kaspar. Poor, obsessed Kaspar. Glorious and incredible Kaspar.
He might’ve been the only person left in the world that really cared about me.
Most of all, I sobbed for the life Alice could’ve had, if only I’d died instead.
22
Alice
Eight Years Ago
Blackwoods College
I didn’t go back to the dorm that night. I slept in the library and woke with an aching back and a disgusting taste in my mouth. It was after ten in the morning and Penny was probably at class.
I snuck into our room. It looked like it always did. I showered, brushed my teeth, and got my things.
Maeve made arrangements. She hadn’t sent me in empty-handed, although I’d avoided using what she provided in case anyone noticed.
The apartment was above a pizza place a few blocks off campus. It was small and dingy, but stocked with supplies. Knives, guns, medicine, bandages. A mattress on the floor and dry goods in the cupboard.
Exactly what I’d need in case I had to lie low somewhere.
I went through the provisions and packed a few things into a bag. I thought of Maeve and steeled myself for what I had to do. She was the reason for all this, and if I could only follow her plan then I might have a place by her side.
For me, that was heaven.
Last night woke me up. Kaspar’s stare, his lack of surprise, like he knew I was there getting myself off while they fucked and he liked it.
Worse than that was my own desire for Penny.
It made me stupid.
I saw that now. Wanting Penny the way I did made me ignore the reason I was sent to this place. I could make excuses about wanting to have a normal life, but they were all lies.
Penny was the reason I couldn’t kill Penny.
I wanted her. Wanted to fuck her, to kiss her lips, lick her pussy, grind myself against her slick cunt until we both came.
I saw it so clearly now. I was blinded by my own stupid emotions, and it was time to push them aside.