Willow made it seem that she was retiring for the night, but that wasn’t her intention. She wanted some time alone to think, something she feared she hadn’t done enough of lately. She had allowed her heart to rule and she didn’t know if that was a good thing. Being sensible had always served her well and she hadn’t been sensible since the day she was dropped in the hole with Slatter.
It was time to be practical about her circumstances before it was too late, before she foolishly fell into bed with him, sealed their vows forever, and possibly got with child. She had to come to terms with what she believed since she had met Slatter or she had to let him go.
She went to her mum’s solar where she’d always found peace. She added more logs to the low flames to chase the chill that had settled in the small room, slipped off her boots, and curled up in one of the chairs to think.
“How long did you intend to avoid me?”
Willow sighed, not glancing at the open door where her husband stood. “I was hopeful it would be a bit longer.”
“I’m not going away,” Slatter said.
Willow turned and looked at him. “But you were going away and without me and without telling me. It took my brother to make me realize that I could wake any day and find you gone, without even a good-bye.”
Slatter entered the room, his steps slow, his manner relaxed. “I’ve warned you that I wouldn’t make a good husband.”
“Then why tell me you love me?” She tilted her head back and shook it. “Or did you tell me because I had told you that I love you?”
He walked over to her and leaned over her to look her in the eyes. “I didn’t say I loved you because you had said it. I told you I love you because I do love you. I may lie more than other men, but I didn’t lie when I said I love you.”
She drew her head forward as she got out of the chair and turned to face him. “How do I believe you when you admit that you lie?”
“How do you question me now when I never hid who I was from you?”
She shook her head again, nothing making sense to her. “I don’t know. I suppose I believed that we could do well together.”
“That I would change?”
She stared at him, shaking her head again, though slowly. “No, people don’t change easily. I learned that seeing my da grow ill and change through no fault of his own. I’ve also seen people change due to tragedy in their lives. I feel I changed after losing my parents. I found myself becoming more responsible, feeling the need to be a parent to my sisters. I wasn’t looking for you to change. I was hoping the man you let me catch glimpses of would eventually reveal himself, the one that’s somewhere deep inside you that you keep hidden, for whatever reason.”
Slatter took a deep breath as if fortifying himself. “There is no other man inside me.”
“That’s not true and you know it. I feel him in the way he takes my hand so gently and lovingly in his. I feel it in his arms every time they wrap around me and make me feel as if I’ve come home. I feel it in his kiss that tells me more than words ever could how much he loves me and I felt it in the way you wed me—a stranger—to save me from a terrible fate.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying,” he argued.
“Actually, I finally know what I say is the truth and I do know that I love that good man with all my heart and as foolish and insane as it may seem I will love the other man who lives the lies until he realizes he doesn’t have to lie anymore.”
Slatter shut his eyes for a moment, his hands fisting at his sides. “I’m not who you think I am. I am not a virtuous man.”
“I don’t believe you.”
He stepped closer to her. “Believe me, Willow, when I say I’m not a noble man.”
“You are a decent man and nothing can make me believe otherwise.”
He stepped closer, his arm coiling around her waist and drawing her close. “I’m telling you now—the truth—I’m not a moral man and one day you will learn that and it will be too late for you to walk away. So I’m giving you a chance to walk away now. If you don’t I’m going to take you to our bedchamber and seal our fate. You’ll be mine, bound to me until the day you die, bound with the lies and all that comes with them.” He leaned down and whispered in her ear. “Leave while you can, mo ghaol. Don’t let the devil get you.”